Perfect Match

A few years back my cousin had a kidney failure. In fact both her kidneys failed. Serendipitously, our other cousin is a kidney surgeon. At the PGH nonetheless.

She underwent a life changing experience. A kidney transplant! nothing compared with what I w

ent through when I had kidney stones and had an ESWL(Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy). Anyhow, I always thought she would be in dialysis for life, but lo and behold, she's right here living with us with out having to go to a dialysis center every so often.

Caio, my cousin is a nurse and she found her perfect match! The kidney that was transplanted to her is now around 2 years old and isn't rejected by her body. So she doesn't have to undergo dialysis anymore. She only has to take some meds, take care of her diet and that's it!

My cousin is living with us because she is taking care of my dad. My dad just had a stroke which paralyzed half of his body. Just a random realization I never knew I loved my dad so much as if all the resentment evaporated.

Anyway life is good to all of us. Thank and praise God! my mom would say.

Currently, my granduncle Conr

ad is staying at our home too! He's the best Granduncle ever! not 'coz he's the only one I know. But I think he's funny and inspirational. He's around 80 years old, but he's as sharp as knife and very funny! He was a nuclear engineer back in the day, saw his pictures and the lot. There was a bomber he armed, "de-classified" now. I forgot to ask what's the name of the bomber. But here's a supercool photo:

The stuff my dreams are made of, I am now rebuilding. Even if my eye isn't moving as fast as it should. Wow this is around 7 paragraphs long! I'm rehabilitated much! I've also now decided that I'm refusing to "grow up" I will remain a child whose dreams are strong and intact. I will write, draw, paint, design, work for the environment and the poor and help heal the world! :)

I wrote

I wrote a few weeks ago that they would probably never change. Now I've forgotten who I was supposed to write about. I really should give myself a few minutes every time I get this urge to write. :)

I thought

Investigate all you want. Its free.

This piece was postponed because I didn't know what else to write.

Note to self: Always call the place first to check if the person or thing you want to see is actually there.

Letter of Resignation

This letter wasn't published because it was written out of anger. It was postponed. Now the anger has passed and so has the reason to publish it. :)

Who will pray for us now?

My Dad just had a stroke. I don't know the details yet but there it is... hypertension because of unhealthy lifestyle.

How coincidental that I'm assigned to do a website about highblood for work....

Crap. I knew this would come but not today. Bad events and good ones happens when we least expect it.

I just realized this blog is as confused as I am.

1,500 PHP and a few questions

Naubos ko yung 1,500 pesos last Saturday. Ambilis!

Stability and Security? How much do you think they cost?

Do you think as we grow old we become less inspired?

I sometimes find myself tapping my feet to the tune of an unknown beat of a song...

This blog means I'll be able to pour out my thoughts in hopes of organizing and getting rid of the not so good stuff. Also hopefully it could help me become more at peace...

I feel that writing gives me peace and joy. I like writing.

Beggars for Conversations

Today the topics in mind were: raising kids, if Lilli was pregnant, and it was about finding my passion in life.

The words that floated right on top of my head today were the following:

I've watched them for too long. These people they are fearless. These people were driven by an itching inexplainable force. Artists and writers, healers and mages, musicians all over the country gathered before me. I've admired them. Specially the gay men who are the most fearless, noblest and the most tolerant of things, of the differences. The differences that caused life to be beautiful, ugly and merciless.

I admired them for they were passionate. In singing, in their tattoos. I on the other hand remain at peace as I write about them. My emotions gushed out of my heart and I realized it was writing that I was passionate about. ...

That was a solid good two paragraphs.

Walls Are Begging For Paintings

It is just a matter of starting and discipline.

Discipline.

And these walls are begging for a painting. :)

Why should I care? Why should I keep caring?

They don't seem to.

Spilled Rum

Last night I spilled Rum over C's friend. I don't know but maybe somethings really wrong with how I focus my eyes, I miscalculated the depth of the table.

Hey you know what I think I've just been isolated. Booo!

Detach.

I don't know I'm feeling restless and emotional and I need to write. Nobody wants to be left behind, isolated or rejected.

I don't know what to do with my life. Maybe I need to get away for a while and get a fresh perspective about my life.

C's Birthday

Dear J,

You should learn how to play the drums.

J
_____________________________

Dear E and C,

Thank you for being great friends!

Mars,

Please take up yoga.
____________________________________

There were many rockstars tonight. It was a pleasant evening.

I was trying to be articulate tonight. In my head I still am.

I also passed by DLSU although despite the fact that I missed the play the trip didn't end up in total vain.

Life will give you meaning, get a life.

There were many assholes on the road tonight.

I had fun being by myself driving around the metro....

Another Lost Digital Pitch

This time it really hurt because I know I really gave a lot into this project. I would really like to know what went wrong and why we were not chosen.

The Urge

Mainly in my life there are few things that i am urged to do,

1. the urge to write

2. the urge to draw

3. to help society

4. the urge to have sex hehehe

and lastly the urge to find out what the hell am I really going to do?

I'm not stuck in the med school frame of mind anymore, but I'm neither motivated to dive into the creative world.

Stuck in the Past

Thesis for today is: DRINK BEER TO DROWN ALL MY PROBLEMS EVEN IF THEY CAN SWIM!

BUT I HAVE STONES SO UNLESS I WANT TO HAVE MORE PROBLEMS... I CAN'T DRINK!

FUCK LIFE IT SEEMS I ALWAYS GET STUCK IN A DEADLOCK.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE DENTIST

MY SINUS DOCTOR

GET AN ULTRA SOUND

PAY MY PHONE BILL and GET A FUCKING PC!


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!


AND OH YEAH FUCK ALL THE CONSERVATIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING SELF EXPRESSION OVER THE FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA!

This Unread Blog

God, no one probably ever really reads this blog of mine?

Shucks.

I guess there's little humor, not any substantial information, this is just actually a virtual diary? Open to the public.

The entertainment value of this blog I guess is close to nill.

I should really go to the dentist.

Further in the night

He said we are in the cusp of the new age in advertising.

The urge usually comes at night to pick up a pen and write.

I guess my prayers before the dark ages in my life worked.

My guess is queer gives the norm an excuse?

I see myself shattered compared to my peers... but finally my life is unfolding and I think that the art of writing is most appealing as a career.

I am rediscovering my senses, therefore life's forgotten simple pleasures seem to resurface. A scrumptious plate of ground meat, peas and bananas just before midnight made me feel really good.

Again I'm thankful of the love and the people around me.

Problem Solving Tuesdays

Okay a couple of things in this fine fine night. I'm officially a fan of DWRT!

My gums hurt after flossing too much.

We really need to buy a new computer and I need to consolidate all my files already!

My life seems to be on a halt because of the renovation.

Stuff at work...I'm feeling very very competitive...but I only should really beat myself.

I just remembered a dear friend, really truly deeply hope that God takes care of her bring her back her gait and confidence in herself.

I hope Nico gets well soon.

Just wanted to say wearing short extremely short socks only means your'e not very traditional in your thinking! - this is really addressed to Robert!

God Java Scripting is very challenging!

Timeline check this July I should be able to visit my dentist and my sinus doctor. Miracle workers!

:D

That's it!

Happy Anniversary

Before anything else I'd like to express the fact that I am in fact, without a doubt having a grand time in my life! I absolutely cannot ask for anything more...

Thank you friends and best friends for making it possible! And of course most especially to Nico..I shall not elaborate on the celebration today! :D

Then a few things...

Dear Girls,

If you really really want to get laid... you could just ask you know maybe we can come up with some sort of agreement hehehe. :)

-PIMP/WHORE extraordinaire

Dear Distillery,

It was a freaking wild fun night! I totally passed out in my former boss's kitchen and I had the weirdest alien mutant dream the next day too!

-SEMI-FOOTBALL FAN

Dear ATI Radeon,

You are a piece of garbage!

-NVIDIA CULB

Well I guess that's enough for tonight. The internet connection here at the Coupe is CRAPPY! >:D GOOD NIGHT! FEARLESS!!!!!!!!

Attempt to write # 356

I'm left alone in the office.

Listening to arctic monkeys tracks, fantastic album! :)

I dunno what to write about really except that I think I'm torn between doing as much as I can tonight or going home early so I can come in early for work?

I hope mother will let me use the car tomorrow.

Anticipation

I'm in all anticipation, of our new computer.

The newly renovated house.

Better health.

A new office mate.

I am in all anticipation.

To have a few words with a friend. It has been such a long time.

-Web Demon

Writing

I am indulging myself already.

This will be my 3rd post for the night.

I am still confused about this blog and about many other things... maybe a part of me revels in the confusion, and a part of me is disgusted.

Fine let this be a personal blog! Without fear! With adoration for the truth! and passion for ideals that liberate us from suffering.

Look here, I created this blog in 2004, it really hasn't grown to anything...How unfortunate.

How long can I last here at Big Kat's Coffee shop?

"you move your mouse to the right most area of your task bar, hove over the battery icon and discover that you still have more than 2 hours worth of battery life. You are amazed at the incredibility of your discover."

-Web Demon

Painters

Dear Van Gay,

Life I think would be an absolute drab without Artists. Nakakaloka siguro yon.

- Pica Pica so?

Pica Pica So,

You must be re-affirming your existence? or perhaps your'e attempting to justify your current career path in that agency... You must be totally stressed out at work!

Music is so beautiful as well. Don't you think so? Whatever should we listen to without music? Let us not have ears then!

I have this random thought, I must say people who know how to appreciate friendship are just as beautiful. I think you have many such friends in your belt.

I attached a self-painting of Van Gogh. You should try something like this again, revert from your cubist ways!

-Vincent "disconnected" Van Gay

____________________________________________________________________

I so love the impressionists...

renoir and monet, plus this local painter Juan Luna....i'm not sure if he could be classified as an impressionist, whatever his style is, its still a great painting! Oh what adventure it would be to find an artist in our midst. Life is supposed to be an adventure? I have a hole in my heart, a thirst for adventure....

Everdearest Sir Rantings,

I think that you know the meaning of "understanding" very well, and shutting up will not accomplish anything. Your knowledge of understanding will just waste away. You should write more often. After all writing your thoughts down will at least allow fate to have a possibility, or increase the chances of other people to gain knowledge and consequently understanding of truths regarding sexuality, creativity, and life.

I think that you know much about understanding, after all you have endured so much, so I implore you to not keep quite, because there is a malady ( i must confess that i heard someone use this word the other day), but there is such a disease in the hearts of many. I could describe it simply as the "choice to remain un-enlightened" if there is such a thing. Your sister for one seems to choose to not understand... err certain things I cannot discuss yet. As well as your brother in my point of view chooses to remain in a cycle of depression.

Also, I think that some of your friends are pompous arrogant individuals, well sometimes at least. They claim they are such people, they seem so confident of themselves, they are able to label other people call them names, perhaps, its an art that they learned early on... they lack the ability to accept mistakes. They feed their ego.

How is it that they cannot see? How come they can be so sure of life, and you are so uncertain.

You are always uncertain or doubtful of things but somehow, ironically, in that state you also feel the taint of arrogance.

Perhaps someday they will be enlightened, I can only pray, you must remain vigilant else, it will devour you.

Somehow you find yourself repeating yourself already.

I believe Sir Rantings, I've written down quite a number of inane thoughts already, I should consider moving on.

Always,

A Customer at Big Kat's Coffee Shop

P.S. The Banana Bread is delectable. :)

DTI REP

Dear dumb or corrupt Pinoy DTI Rep,

Fuck you!

- angry disapproved promo

Dis

Dear RJ,

I was just thinking, I really hate the thought of being a disappointment. I hope Nico's right when he said, that things come to me because of how I do my work and not because of....errr... I hope that's true, I hope I can be really great at something one day.

-My Thoughts and Emotions

Tuesday Papuntang Office

Dear Manong Driver,

Ambaho ng fx mo, linisin mo naman nakakastress eh.


-Pasajerong Badtrip na!

June 4

Dear God,

That night was piss fun!

Thanks!

-Web Demon

One hot Saturday in May 2010

I will not be defined by cliches. i.e. the more you hate the more you love. I think I felt hate today. Partly hated myself too actually.

Why do I feel that there are very few people who are capable of thinking beyond what would benefit themselves.

On that note this song/poem is for you.

Oh, I got something to tell you.

Oh, I got something to say.

You are different, indifferehent.

You are terribehel, dispicabehl

You are notorious, so dangerous.

High expectations rushing to my brain.

You are a let down, a low down.


You are different, indifferehent.

You are terribehel, dispicabehl

You are notorious, so dangerous.


so self absorbed, so negative, so selfish.



--- well its unfinished.


The day was better bumped into an old friend talked about life. depression.facing your fears.

I guess what we are avoiding really is our own thoughts of what others may believe about ourselves. I think it gets harder as we grow older.

sigh. :)

And another one bites the dust...

Another colleague will leave the office.

Most of the time goodbyes are never as sweet as hellos.

:(

How Apt.

My Chinese Horoscope.

You will find deep and abiding changes are happening in the workplace. Don't fear or resist them as they are absolutely vital to sweeping you to a much more prosperous and happy position in the long term. Don't let yourself be bullied or guilted into taking on work you are not paid for.

Brighter side

For the record: My sinuses, general well being is wayyyyyyyyyyy beyond better than before the rhinoplasty and adenoidectomy. :)

Thanks dr. Lopa! You are a miracle worker!

The Office Space

It was just too bad that we didn't hit our deadline again.

We are doing this site for a real estate company and we've not been hitting the deadlines.

Reasons:

1. There's just too much work.
2. Plus we didn't manage our work loads my fault.
3. It's not like we work slow but maybe we lack the system and the experience to execute stuff quickly.
4. Deadlines are somewhat strict and unreasonable.

Maybe the stress is just getting to me. I don't know.

Also an office mate is asked to resign is that even legal?

Dunno maybe I'm just stressed out.

No sleep for the restless, No rest for the weary.

- Nighttime Ogling

Pennies for my passion.

Gold for motivation.

I have to do this.

Success isn't that important to me.

But for others winning is everything.

I must make the design of this nothing short of brilliant.

Radio-reactive

Dear Vito,

Well, to start with,i think i've lost my cool, suddenly i'm reacting to things in a negative way. I shouted at my mom. I reacted to an email negatively. Somehow I can see this trait from my family and some of my friends. I need to break the cycle.

I hope and pray that you'll grow up to be a cool kid.

Under Construction

Dear Santa,

The house is under renovation, I'm under recovery from a surgery. Too much things happening all at the same time, and I'm channeling the chaos it is reflected in my life. Work, relationships and goals. I wish that I come out of this metamorphosis invincible like gold. Invincible from all the emotional roller coaster.

Dear Santa, Will you please give me a DSLR camera to shift my focus? the Canon 550D looks great.

P.S.

I need a hard hat too, life throws hard things at me nowadays.

Loser

We lost a bid for an account. The overlying idea was mine, or mostly mine, although the circumstances that brought about me having to think of a not so fresh idea wasn't my fault. My company's habit to do most things at the last minute is taking its toll. Still, if I had a brilliant idea, it would have saved the day. But I didn't, so naturally, the pharma company awarded the digital component of their offline campaign to some other digital agency. It doesn't feel good to lose... somehow there is an obsession to be on the other side of things.

Ideas are too powerful, they cost millions of pesos some times. Bummer I worked the whole day today even if its a sat, and I have to work the whole day tomorrow. sheesh when will it end?

The Poor

I was in bathroom taking a bath, when thoughts about life consumed me. I thought about how lucky i am, still, despite everything, then i thought about the poor people who live in the streets, and how better their lives could be,

we only get one life, one cycle maybe, or maybe not, if theres a next cycle and my conscious mind would awake in a different body... i mean if i were in their shoes, i can't really imagine, i guess whet i'm really trying to get at is that, our society somehow limits them, and i guess i'd like to really work to give them a better life.

Maybe this could be a career path i want to explore...

Alas Otso

Nag
ba
bak
bak

Ang aking kasiyahan,

At naBUBUO lamang
Tuwing ang aking
Kasintahan
Ay
Dumadalaw
Sa aming
(Tahan)nan
Tuwing
A
L
A
S
O
T
S
O

Ng mmm-aga.

Dreams

I woke up feeling, somehow my dreams were taken away, I feel devoid of a sense of a direction, maybe it's just the medicine i've been taking lately, i've been taking too many lately. Just to name a few, Decolgen, Xyzal, prednisone.I have to douch Phisomer saline solution. and that's just tip of the iceberg, i've taken, claritin, claricort?, spray Azep, potassium citrate, more prednisone... Maybe i'd try to remember all meds in a different blog, I feel that my dreams, have slipped away. I have no motivation. despite for wanting a few material things and the desire to win a palanca award. I feel that I'm not really where i'm supposed to be, but i don't even know where i'm really supposed to. It isn't that i'm unhappy or anything, infact, despite the lack of motivation and the chaotic house renovation i'm really really grateful.

I pray, that I find myself. Soon I hope.

Momah

(an old post from garnetskies.blogspot(nostalgic fever))

Are you certain you love someone? How about your parents or your siblings? do you really love them?

These are the questions floating in my head, am i actually loved? (maybe my family is different than yours maybe you are luckier)

Have you given it much thought? I think that in life, there comes a point where you realize that you do love them, and if not maybe its time to try. Because I believe that its pointless to live a life without love. :)

She's living her life now, after enduring so much trouble, pain and regret.

After losing many of her years to motherhood, she's just starting to find herself.

After working for so long and hard in an insurance company.

After keeping together a family...

To look at her now just lifts me up. I feel proud for my mom for being able to be finally happy and for being able to live her life how she wants it.

I love my mom.

Ode to a bedroom fly

Oh black fly buzzing, landing on my face
(Your'e a bit too fast
for my hand to catch.)
why don't you just get the hell of
my fucking space!


Check mate! the black queen shouts,
She gives me no escape.
I am trapped in my room.
I yield to the power of the black fly
I concede.

Out of Place

I feel that i need to get out of the many places I am in now. Let's start at home, our house is under renovation, it's dusty, noisy, and chaotic, I wish I had my own secret hideaway. Maybe I just have to wait for the construction to finish or find a place of my own. but its not so easy, i just came from a nasal surgery because of an allergy case gone haywire, so if i stay, id have to deal with having a clogged nose for a prolonged period of time, again. Well i cant really find a place of my own. because well simple put, I can't afford it.

At work, i'm pretty sure no one from the office reads my blog, but heck yeah, i feel the pressure of work getting to me, i shall not elaborate,but basically its a roller coaster ride everyday, basically its about winning and losing... i should really focus on getting things done faster, maybe i really need a rest from the emotionality of it all, it really just drains me.

From myself, slowly i'm getting better i think. in terms of health, etc. but again there are just emotions that won't completely drown. emotions for certain people that keep resurfacing, and i'm exhauseted. emotionally this time. I feel that i am lost to many of these problems.

It seems easy enough to just walk away from it all, if only i had the gust, i would pack my bags and go to a place where i can find myself,

Some thoughts

I just thought that what if the entire human race left earth for maybe 1 hour. I think that would let the earth breathe. Give it the hour that it deserves. This would be a nice plot for a movie I guess. Also a story told from a lover's point of view, 30 years after meeting his girlfriend. I think that's also a good plot.

Maybe I just watched too much sci-fi movies like the chronicles of riddick. It was really entertaining.

No sense of success

I was reading the Adobo magazine earlier today. There was an article about a Great Speaker in the Advertising Congress. He talked about ways on how we can achieve success in life.

I think I've become jaded, exhausted about life a little too soon, I am but in my quarter life, and if I had read the article a few years back, whatever he had said would have made me emotional and interested to find out what path could lead me to success, and I would heed whatever advice that he gave, like how I the smell of ripe pineapples interests me. instead I realized something,

I realized that recently success doesn't interest me anymore, I have lost a sense, a definition of success. and I think it is one of the saddest things that could happen to anyone.