Poem -1 | Further, Dad

Further - not beyond hope,
are gleaming eyes of a child.
Left in this world to fight,
untold troubles and woes.

Beyond his touch and gaze
but closer to his mind
he recalls his father's lore
and seizes starlight.


#happyfathersdaynonoy

Journal Entry 1

Firstly, on superficial things tied into or tangled with existential musings and mild depression.

1. I really want to lose the fat. I know exactly what to do but I am somehow handicapped. Unable to muster the force of will to decide to not eat at night. There has to be a better strategy a better way to cope with stress and a better way to deal with this. I have some food supplements that I should just throw out or sell. They are confusing me from finding the super food that I am meant to eat.

2. I really want to have savings. But fate or asos.com has something else in mind.


Secondly on strengthening the mind.

1. Can I do this just by strengthening the body? By listening to meditation podcasts? by reading a book?

2. Prayers and going to church has recently HELPED a lot. I felt my spirits lifted? Is this what they call the holy spirit?

Third is time.

Lastly, I would never be able to articulate this grain of thought that is growing in my mind. It's not that reality is shattered. The concepts of reality have revealed themselves and the fundamental question that is why can never be answered.

Pusakal

Tayo ay naka higa
parang pusang matamlay
na naghihintay
sa pagsikat ng araw.

Huwag kang pipikit
sapagkat malapit na
ang tamang oras

na maiugnay mo
ang mga kaganapan
sa paligid, sa
iyong sarili,

ang mga naririnig mo
sa mga kwento at balita,
nakikita mo sa mga
bugtong hininga

tumayo ka at
Harapin mo
ang iyong sarili



Naka higa tayo na parang mga pusang kalye.

hinihintay bumagal ang oras o magbago ito, hinihintay magkaroon ng lakas.






at bumalik sa tamang

pag-iisip.

#29 Suddenly

I was not prepared with the suddenness of our relationship, 

It's just like how rainbows form across the sky, instantly gigantic and magnificent. 

And you are sprawling brilliantly across my life. . 

No one knows how difficult it is for gay guys to find romance. The values are skewed

For Mars and Elena

There are two flowers in the heart of the desert. Their ivories buds crown the moon. And they shine in my life like water and my joy. It's time for them to bloom.

Katunog ng tugtog

For Michael again

You are an illusory candy.

A quay to the lost.

For Nicole

In love with you, I fell into the depths of my own madness.

Perched at the branches watching a mind so high, that the leaves of my dreams now entangle with the sky.

l took refuge into the ground sailed like the autumn leaves falling like the stars.

Deep into the ground where all the leaves are wordless and you will utterly be forgotten.

Dear Peach

Who knows the gains of valor, and if a leaf is blown to space by society's arm what will be its purpose? And if a child finds its way between us how shall we name it. Who can tell that it will dry my heart that now turns to a river.

Who else knows the troubles that afflicts us... and the sea of emotions we feel each waving wave is a feeling in intself.

So what will you do between now and 32 if you find your man then and if I find mine what are we to do?

Quote # 3

I know if it's you and me. It's just going to be you and me. All the way baby.

About the sea and whatever was in it.

My feet are resting high on the edge of a katig,
lucky to never ever be sea sick. 

A few seconds ago the horizon was limiting my vision,
and now I'm submerged stretching my breath unto rubber tubes and metal tanks.

And my eyes is dazzled
with colors unavailable to the ordinary tropical sky. 

Yellow coral green, neon echinoderm purple, and clown milky white and orange and an abyss darker than the night. 

but the sea is infinitely bigger, beyond the feet of lovers,
saltwater waves wash away, surfboards, sunblock, my flip flops and 

very precisely whatever we want it to wash away. 

The sand beneath the earth is wet and dry,
the mangrove roots are wet and dry, these hearts between tides
are actually never flat, they are always singing spot on note,

and we are all deeply drowned by it's majesty,
an expanse reflecting the universe into our hearts,

and sometimes simply feeding our bellies

with sushi, uni and seaweed. 

For Michael

You never really caught my
eye baby, yet I listened with
my heart,

Because everytime,
you entered my field
of vision babe,
madly I fell into your depth,

So It must be your voice babe
or something else I can't see,

It must be your personality
babe warm like the sea,

It must be something unseen
babe that captivated me.

And today I miss you babe,
And my memory tries,

to remember the time babe,
when you were so close beside me

and specially when your legs
criss crossed into mine/d. 

Quote # 2

Every time you feel a negative emotion, take it as an opportunity to be virtuous. I'm afraid and I now need to be brave. 

28

I think at this point everything seems precious to me. Family my job

You are a scar in my vision

Now there are empty streets
But tomorrow there will be men
And possibly children

I've seen many bikers,
Walkers, dancers,

Tasted hurting but
No wound is greater
Than you

You are a scar in my vision
In my day dreams
And in my hopes

In broken sun rays
On my way home

Don't be shy

If you see me eye to eye
Don't look up or down
Don't pretend

Pagibig

Ay isang karamdaman
Tahimik
Panatag

Sa mata ng bagyo
Matatagpuan
Ang pagibig ko
Sayo

Ito ang centro
Ng lakas at ng kaguluhan

Hayaan mo ako

Paki usap mahal
Lumapit ka ng sandali

Bawasan mo muna
Ang pagmamahal mo
sa iyong mga magulang

At ang mga takot
sa lipon ng mga
tao ay itapon mo muna
At saka ay pulutin
Kung mamaya ay
gugustuhin

Punasan mo muna
Ang pag aalala
sa iyong mala-
Dyamanteng mata

Hanapin mo muna
at isuot ang totoo
Mong mga ngiti

Buksan mo ang
Nakakandado nating
Pagkakaibigan at
tabihan mo ako
Ng sandali.

hayaan mo ang maunos kong
Ulo ay dumantay
Sa lupain ng  iyong katawan
At hayaan mong marinig
Ng iyong mga balikat
Ang paglapat
Ng aking tenga
At ang pagalulong ng
aking hiniga.

Tabihan mo lamang ako
Ng sandali.

Paki usap pahiram muli
ako ng ang oras,
Sumalok ng mga minuto
Karagatan ng iyong buhay.

Punuin mo
Muna ang naiwang
puwang
Hawakan at gamutin mo muna
ang
Aking naulilang palad.

Pakiusap mahal sa aking
Pagdating ay
Tabihan mo
Ako ng sandali.

Ilusyon

How can we get
Rid of this big blanket of illusion
That makes us human
That makes us desire
And discriminate

How can we come to terms
And meet with
The truth

Dreams do not come late

And no my english is not perfect
I've not used it that much yet
For me to be able to write
Poetry in English...my use of it must be nothing less than perfect.

Borrowed

Everyone deserves a poem

Everyone does.

Borrowed Lyrics

I've heard him sing it

Heard her say it,

hear him humm it.

We've all borrowed words sometime

used it to ease the pain

used it to delight the soul.

Thank you for the borrowed lyrics.

Love Letter 1

This is a love letter.

But I don't think I can ever

come to a point where I could

write exactly how I feel for

you. I have been trying for a

couple of weeks now, to put to

words, my feelings for you. And

so here's another attempt.

Because who knows what the

future holds for us, but I'd

like to let you know just how

much you mean to me.

All I can imagine for the past 2

years is what a wonderful day I

would have if I can ever hold

your hand again, like how we

used to. And what a waste of

precious time it is not being

able to do so. And I do

understand that you have to do

your thing, and I have to do

mine. So I chose to wait for you

even if I think time is against

us.

To wait for you to fall in love

for me again like how you did,

for the third time perhaps? - It

is something I have been looking

forward to, after sometime when

I thought we have had enough

space from each other, it's

almost been 2 years. But I am

still looking forward to that

day. Thinking about you during

the gaps in my work, the gaps in

the day, you fill them with

love.

And my feelings grow each day,

love but now there is also fear

of you replying, not replying

if this is really what they call

love, then I'm lucky. My life

has purpose as long as I am in

love.

My feelings for you now seem to

me like a permanent thing. Like

a belief or an ideal as vast or

as the matter in the universe.

Although you said it was best

for us to be friends and you'd

love that and it did hurt like a

pinch in the chest and a punch

in the stomach,but since you

also said you deeply cared and

prayed for me everyday, that

made me so happy I couldn't stop

smiling. Punched but smiling at

the same time. That's how to

live right? And I was inspired

to conquer the world and see it

with you, I sometimes imagine to

explore the milky way with you.

In this life I have lost many

things and there are some things

I ought to get back, abstract

things like my "will" and my

focus, like some of my health,

which has considerably

diminished. But I know i will be

able to gain them all back. But

even now, I do not mind losing

more if it will lead me to you.

I was soo happy when you came to

the house and spent a few hours.

But I'm not sure if I ask the 2

questions in proper order, I

have my doubts.

I want to be with you always and

I hope for the day that you find

yourself in a place where you

have the time to be with me and

be with your family whom I know

you love and enjoy yourself too

all at the same time. But if

hindi naman with me okay lang,

basta in a very happy place. :)

I guess I will come to you again

after 2 years and I promise not

have any relationship.

I wish you all the success in

the world. I think you are very

intelligent, loving, kind, very

very smart and talented and

least important very very

handsome. if you ever feel

inadequate at work,please don't

it just might not be the right

time.  


...

I was supposed to send this

sometime ago... but what's been

said has already been said. I am

thankful for that and will leave

you be I did all my best. And as

spoken we could be friends. I

don't think I can hang on to us

any longer, it's time to fall in

love again. 

29

Life doesn't dawn to those who are 28 below.

But the moment you reach 29...

It's suddenly 6am and the day is about to begin

And life suddenly asks if you have eaten your fill.

Rain

There is a strong
evidence on the pavement
That it rained.

After a short visit to my sister
In the pizzaria
I went my way to
Play football

I had
hoped the field wasnt
At all drenched.

Para kay Ikaj

Berde ang iyong suot at
nakatali ang iyong buhok.

Isang gabi sa Singapura,
Sa labas ng istastyon ng tren.

Gatas ang kutis at sa iyong ngiti
Mayroong hibla ng tamis.

Umiinom tayo ng wine.
Tumatawa sa isang lamesa.

Habang pinakikita mo ang iyong mga
Paintings sa kaibigan ng kaibigan.

Natapos ang gabi at
Kasabay ng pagyapos
Mo sa akin.

Ay ang pagaalinlangan ko.

Maynila

ISa Maynila
Dumadaloy ang lakas
Ni inday sa bawat
Walis ting ting
Na itinataktak
Nya sa ding ding
Ng kulay madaling araw
Sa hongkong
Habang mahimbing
Na natutulog
Si ginging.

Sa Maynila
Mabilis lumipas
Ang mga araw nila
Miggy at marga habang
Nagsasalita ng
Mga ka conyohan
Sa opisina tuwing
Biyernes ay
Derecho sa hataw sa
Mga clubs
Hataw sa inuman
Hataw sa tugtog
Na titanium ni sia
At david guetta

Sa Maynila
walang nakakaramdam
Ng pagka miss sa
Maynila,
Kailangan tumira sa ibang
Bansa ng mahigit sa tatlong
Buwan kung gusto
Mong mamiss
Si inday, ang trapik,
Ang walang
Pagdadalawang isip
na tumagal sa opisina

Sa Maynila
Dumadaloy
Ang kasiguraduhan
Ng aking pagkatao
Ang nagpapa bili
Ng.mga pasalubong

Sa Maynila
Maraming walang hiyang
Nangungulimbat
Nagnanakaw ng pera ng bayan
Yung mga pinagpapawisan
Nila ninanakaw
Kinakamkam at ipinamumudmod
Sa mga anak

At ahil Maraming dakila
Dakilaan na tulad ko
Sa maynila ay hangang ngayon
...

Maraming gitnang pangalan ay baboy
Si bong baboy r.
Si j. Baboy n.
At si juan baboy e.

Nangugulangot nangangaban bayan
At ang mga mang mang ay nanatiling mang mang

Buwan

Ikaw ang pintog na buwan
Sa gabi ng aking buhay

At ang mga tala
Ay ang walang kupas
At nagnining ning mong
Mga mata

At matatagpuan noon
Sa gitna ng aking pisngi
At iyong balikat

ang kahulugan
Ng aking buhay.

Life f*cks us all

All of us are indeed are either partially fckd
Or fully fckd by life no less,

Regardless what position you are in

Regardless of age gender it doesn't discriminate nor favour anyone at all.

It hides to some people the joys of struggle

It hides to some the comfort of health

It shows riches to a few but peace of mind to fewer. ...

Time to kill

So I have time,

While waiting for you,

I have these words to spill,

From my mind's mind

And my inner inner self,

I have some thoughts to share,

Some load to bear,

A little anxiety

And insecurity,

A little hope and some

Youth to cope,

And a tiny fact

That remains largely true,

I will always be blue,

While waiting for you.

Transactional

It all starts from saying "Hi" or "Hey"
Which ever is more appealing.

Then ask for a face photo,
But remember to send yours first.

Then ask if a place is available,
Make sure it's not too far

Then just to make sure,
ask for another photo.

You will need the phone number too
In order for you to meet before

The transaction

Remember to bathe and gargle.

Saliva exchange is eminent.

Then exchange breaths and skins.

And desires. Remember not to get emotional.

Because it all ends in goodbyes.

So many thoughts this week

Almost 29. 

Thoughts on being 28. I have come here to this age, where my reality has not really settled  into my mind. There are many clouds still in my mind it seems, because of my current physical state. And the most frightening thing however, is realizing that I have not yet dreamed the person who I am to become. And it is not the limitations that I am currently facing that is taxing, but the fury of my soul, and the burning of my mind.

I have taken a look at my life again, and I know I must soon get out of this path. Towards this vision. Into fighting for the ideas that I believe in. Into the dreams I am now realizing. That a person will never truly achieve freedom from his humanity until he has been educated on what this exactly means. What does it mean to be human it is the exercise of consciously knowing oneself. 

Despite the restrain from the responsibilities that I carry, I will try to move towards attaining this goal of liberating my country first, from corruption. 

It is 2013, and it seems the people of the world have yet to be free. To have the freedom to choose what they believe in and that our sins are only true when we cast our dreams aside. 

I must turn towards writing more.

Discrimination.

My fears have been mounting and

've been a project manager fr

Love

It is only love when it is a conscious act. 

it is not,

without this certain human awareness 

to chose, love. 

Despite the pain and the unwillingness of the self. 

And it is in this daily struggle can 

we only exercise our freedom.

And the only men who can truly be free

our experience freedom

are those who can love. 

and the definition of this kind of love 

is only known to men who

has been educated enough

to know what it is not. 

Love doesn't 

discriminate

Perhaps the self is only willing when it has 

seen and overcame suffering. 

Lesser FB message

Anything we perceive as less
is so easily dismissed.

I feel pain
when this poetic friend
so easily discarded
me and never
replied to my FB message. 

While Swimming

All you know is a shadow
swimming in a pool 
where light is bent
and shattered
I am swimming in my dreams
and hopes
and with every breath 
I take I see the 
endless universe submerged
in a vision.

Summoned Happines

there are joys,
that stir in mind,
of those days
that are beyond

our youth.

Wide open
eyes are filled
with summer rays

that through the
soft rustling leaves
flooded the halls
into the in between of
unfinished
cemented walls,

those that we
so easily climbed
those that
seemed so high
painted into
the milky blue

and then there are
also those bright
rainy days bathed
with laughter
and growing bodies
drenched and shining
with rainbow colored
dreams,

From the candle wax
of my youth, sweet
and glittering
treasures
are so easily made.

All these I remember
now that my life is in
the quarter moon
and i am waxing onto
the fullness of a future
built with my childhood
dreams. 

Profess

I've always wanted to ask her

"Did you ever own a dildo?"

Benett

I've never seen such wit,
Nor felt intelligent candour,

Will I ever see again
Such a mans' man

As Benett.

Gone

Alex,

When was the last time you sang a song,
or thought of singing, without bothering the
imaginary cats in your mind.

When was the last time your mind
didn't have malice against me,
to what I said.

When was the last time
your ego did not have to break,
for every message you detest.

When was the last
time you picked yourself up,
even when couldn't
and you don't know you can't

Paulit ulit lang ng 2 taon

Sa totoo lang,

wala naman talagang nagbago pa,

hindi pa naman naitotodo pa.

Ang Pinakamagandang Kwento ng Pag ibig.

Hindi na maitataguyod ang pinaka magandang

kwento ng pagiibigan ng dalawang lalaki,

dahil nag pasiya nako na mag move on.

Dahil ikaw ay nagbitiw na ng pinakahihintay

kong mapag panulak na pangungusap:

"okay lang nama po sakin, kahita may iba ka na,

gusto ko happy ka"

parang ganon mo tinext. At parang ganun na rin natunaw, ang madikit, at makapit na pag mamahal ko.

5000 SJADED

...........................................

Cure for being Jaded.

After my thought confessions,
to a friend, and after listing
to a song entitled drops of jupiter,
it occured to me,

that I have turned into a disgustingly
green color
but colors you can judge,
and smells you can measure,

but you can never call a man scum,
nor his fault when he falls from
grace and fancies himself as invincible,

man is bound when he is ignorant,
and free only as he is bound by
his body,

So there is no cure, you will turn green
when life wills it for you,
but you will know, and when that time comes,
you will be the best jaded person

Abrupt

It's not necessary to be abrupt,

let's linger at each other for a few more moments,

we don't have to end it hurriedly,

Specially now that we are in our late twenties,

Our whole fleet of mid adulthood

has finally come to a stage

they call acceptance,

and I have accepted,

that you have been lagging behind,

and I am in front, so I will

walk slower, and you try to catch up,

Sugal, Tula, at Buhay

Dati, ang mga araw ko ay pwedeng basahin,
na parang masayang tula,

ligtas ako sa mapanganib na lungkot,
tila walang pangit na kamay ng baraha
ang tumatabla sa aking pagkatao.

Ngunit dumating ang alas ng kalaban,
Ang buhay mismo, at naging mapanganib
ang aking kapaligiran,

kahit sa tirik na tirik na araw.
at nagbabaga ang liwanag, ay dumadapo
na parang ligaw na mga aswang sa gunita,

ang mga kuko ng kalungkutan, pag aalala,
takot, at anino ng pagod
wagas nilang niyayapos ang aking
dating maliwanag na diwa at malakas na pulso
na tila nadudurog sa bigat ng aking sariling yapak,
at sa bawat ala ala ng mga nakakahinayang,

sa pinakamapanganib na gabi ng aking buhay,
nagbasa ng ibang tula, ang may ari
ng kalawakan, at ako'y ginapos
upang makipaglaban at sumugal sa buhay.

That Summer

There is an addicting taste,
She is the masterpiece
of my memory,
a honey combed summer,
under the curled blue,

of waves and an infinite
stretch of sky that reach
beyond my sight
into the universe of who I was,

And the Sun god's grandeur
fell brightly over the silent
witnesses,
that held us together,
Water, sky, and your ivory soft smile,

and this held me eternally,
for a moment, and in my lost being
I knew,
how to finally live,
And if I close my eyes now,
I can make it last, perfect, infinitely.

PS
and I know why it was enough.

Hungry Ghost Month

August got a bit crazy after a very very awesome weekend with Friends in Sentosa for the Color Run 2013 SG, and a weekend getaway at KL with Saint. August is also where the Chinese celebrate...the Hungry Ghost Month... Which is...

When I came back to the flat Tuesday probably with protozoans in my tummy because of all the mud obstacles, I decided to talk to the love of my life after not receiving any reply to my messages... The conversation was an eye opener. He said that "he would like me to be happy, with someone else" and that's the most painful thing to say in the world, after we've talked about how we can give each other another chance in 2 years, there was a sudden realization that I was talking to someone truly devoid of any feelings for me at all. The person I am deep as space in love with unfortunately doesn't feel the same way. And the idea is that this person is someone I don't want any more grew. He doesn't have it in him to treat me with respect or to be honest to me and to himself about his feelings, He's someone who cannot communicate. I know I have paid my dues already for treating him badly before and I think I deserve a little respect. We knew each other a long time before, and we were quite friends, what I don't understand is that somehow doesn't even count anymore.

I don't think his kind of treatment is what I deserve. It's a very painful fact, and I don't think he understands, he hasn't gone thru a of relationships, or any that I know of.

After 2 years of hoping and hanging on to the hope of eventually getting back together, of nursing a constant dream and eventuality, of settling down, I think I am finally ready to move on. Might sound cliche but this is the hardest thing ever because up until that conversation I was blind to the signs and was only seeing the threads of hope for a future of our relationship. How many times have we decided to be "friends" but he never really did anything to make that happen. Absolutely nothing. And now, I know what I deserve, someone who is honest and forthcoming.

I think the sad reality that I have to accept there is no possibility of getting back with him. Period. The future I know will take care of itself.

But it's finally time to move on. To have a better perspective and to find someone better. To move on from someone I love so dearly, but clearly isn't in the same book.

Fortunately I have friends.. really good friends, new friends who give hope of finding people that are more open.

And there are some friends who are not as supportive, but are honest, and honestly it's not about the looks, or who is better, its actually really about emotional connection.

While I was feeling bad about my personal / love life, work was also a roller coaster ride, but it ended with a job well done.

Now it's time to exploit my new found independence. It's time to be awesome, it's almost September after all and the ghosts of our past have moved on. 

Some Hearts

Some hearts lie steep over emotions

crawl beneath the shallowness of

pride.

Singapore & The Philippines

After my Aikido class (used weapons today), I went to the nearest hawker to my place to have brunch. I've only been in Singapore for a little over 2 months now and I must say this country has suddenly become very dear to me. It shines as a beacon of hope for the whole ASEAN. The people are generally very nice or they know how to be nice.

I really didn't notice but I was sitting beside an old couple, and I was clutching my bag while eating. I guess the old lady, probably around her 60s asked me why I didn't place my bag in the seat next to me. I said to her, because someone might sit on it... but after realizing that... there's no harm in doing I put my bag down.

So she asked me where I was from, and that started a discussion about Singapore and the Philippines with her and her husband.

It wasn't the first time I heard on how advanced the Philippines was back in the '60s and that the rest of the ASEAN nation was looking up to the country I call home. And it wasn't the first time I came across a Singaporean who had a Filipina for a maid either.

We discussed why the Philippines was so stagnant now.. why it fell behind and he said that we needed a stronger economy to change... my country men were nice, intelligent etc. I said I don't think the Philippines had it in their hearts the drive to move forward, we are quite content with the country, the old man Roland  said that that we might wake up one day, when it's all too late.

He said it was easy for Singapore to change, because they were so small... I thought to myself afterwards yes indeed the country is small, but this country is also so big in many ways.

In the end our conclusion was that there is stirring for change in the Philippines a small one..  but let's hope that small glimmer of hope pushes my country men forward.

Singapore is a wonderful gift to the ASEAN. Suddenly these two countries have become so dear to me.

Mwah (mwwahhhhh)

I gotta stop this but I don't know how. I can't deny myself the opportunity of feeling good.  Specially now that I'm alone it's harder. And you never gave me much to hang on to. Unfortunately I'm subject to feeling what my body telling me to feel... and it affects my psyche my mood... which I think in the long run becomes my personality.

I need more than a text message with a mwaaaah in it. I need you to ask me how I am. To ask how I was during the haze. I need a bit more to hang on to.

a flaw

Forming beliefs and passing judgement a human flaw.

Ideas like the idea "opposites" but big ideas have butts or ands

A little Jealous

just a little about curly. 

Three Some

It's a sandwich.

hazy. 

Fancy How you turned into a DB

a Douch bag.

Who would've thought you'd grow up to be who you are now, a scoundrel. 

When is a man undone and when genius is uncovered

Seems like ive been shoved into this path.
Hopefully it leads to uncovering my potential to change the world. Perhaps through writing of thought. But looking at other people lives many have been lead to their doom or into the doldrums of contentment.

What action must we take or can we take to refuse the shovers might and deny our fate in the event we foresee that at the end of the road we are being lead to our undoing.

But then how do we forsee? Perhaps that is finding our genius. Or studying the history of.people.

The Majority vs the Broader View

The collective mind set is the most dangerous thing for the minority. And as minority myself, the idea to defend myself or anyone else I can identify with seems to have taken it's roots in my subconscious.

A society will always have a majority and a minority. And the only defense against oppression or the mind setting of oppression is a broader view of things.

But there are many layers to an individual for example you can belong to the majority of male asian population. But you can be a minority if you are a foreigner. There seems to be a dominant mind set. That binds 1 layer of being a majority. 

Thoughts: End April - May

a hole starts to form and tears start to collect i am not goin to cry even if tis filled, and someday i will build a dam to this all the emotions I feel the will to..

because sometime if you tell the truth no one will believe you.
you sometimes admit to the accusation to help people who can't, understand.

my mind is bound to freedom while other in death

Afternoons lasts for about 3 hours, 

I love to stare at the sky blue, 

it is comforting. 

but somedays 

I can't wait till the stars come out, 

they say that waiting has its merit, 

thay say patience is a virtue, but 

my mind has wandering legs and 

it drags my heart along with it. 

My awakening tested. 

After the confession he made, 

I'm afraid, which is a very good thing. 

Life seems nearer to the way it was, 

I'm moving forward, I'm grateful that I am moving forward. 

I am, part of the know thyself series

I am young man of sense and worth in pursuit of truth freedom faith courage and hope for myself with hopes of influencing the rest of mankind. 

Tula 2: Nicole

Kay sarap mong isipin

Oh Kay sarap tuwing dumadapo
Ang iyong makulay na imahe 

Sa aking kamalayan

Kay tamis ng pag asa na 

iyong binigay sa silong ng hapon

ang OO kahit sa hinaharap pa ay ngayon

nakakapawi ng pagod at poot

Sa gabi bago matulog 

pinalkas mo ang pananalig ko 

sa buhay

O kay sarap mong isipin

Nicole

Poem 129: Snake Like

Snake Like

You're snake like manner and appearance is caught in the middle of nothing.

You are caught in the middle.

I see that you are ssnake-like. 

*this could be a nice poem graph with a giant S. 

Tula 1: Ikot

Dise otso ata ako noon,

Bente otso ako ngayon, mga ilang beses lang ako nakasakay sa ikot na jeep sa UP

papunta ako sa Math building magpapatutor, yun ata pakay ko noon,

maraming beses na rin ako nag ikot na jeep kaya di ko na gaano maalala.

Pero naalala ko duwag pa ako noon, kaya nung nginingitan mo ako, mejo intense.

at binalewala ko lang.

Pero isang alaala iyon di ko malilimutan.

Sayang di tayo nagkakilala. Baka naalala mo pa? text mo ako.

Random: How to make someone fall in love digitally in 10 days

Day 1. Believe that you can and introduce yourself via FB friend request
Day 2. Write a declaration of your love. Post it in your notes section or blog it.
Day 3. Ask her out via e-mail or Skype chat.
Day 4. Instagram your first date.
Day 5. Check in to all the places he/she likes. Try to check in together.
Day 6. Create a pinterest board for everything he/she likes.
Day 7. Tweet him/her on his/her birthday for all the word to see. Ask your friends to tweet too.
Day 8. Send him/her a Youtube link of your favorite music video.
Day 9. Send him/her gifts via e-bay.
Day 10. Make an app of love in the Android or Apple store. Hope he or she downloads it.

Poem 127: B's Static Boob

B's Static Boob

I was inspired

to conspire

with you a formal 

desire

To win a pitch

to fulfill an 

itch

and as my elbow

touched your right

or left boob,

static struck
it was funny,

twas awesome. 

Song 2: Fringe

Fringe


Sa dulo ng ating dila
may mga tala

Sa iyong kamay
may tiwala, may naisip
na maganda,

Sumakay tayo sa dalang alon
ng kanilang tuwa

Tayo lang
ang nalalakad sa
kalyeng
bihira ang may alam

Sa gilid, sa tabi
tayo ay magsasalita

bubukasan ang daan
patungo sa kapayapaan.

Sa gilid sa tabi,
tayo ay magsasalita

maririning, titinding
mabubuhay ng tama.

Sa gilid sa tabi,
ng kalye,
may mga kasama,
magbubukas ng daan
patungo sa kapayapaan.

Song 1: Heart's Gone

Heart's gone


I'm walking to
new places while
waiting for you
to come around

who knows when
the sheets will
fold between
us again

for another time
will be waiting
for your skin
on mine

But my heart's gone
My Heart's so beautiful
but She's gone.
to a fool.

She was never handed over.
Promises were done
Question answered
and hope was made but
I never recovered.

But my heart's gone

My Heart's so beautiful
but She's gone.
to a fool.

Letter # 5

Dear B.D.,

How can you know a greater love when you've never suffered a broken heart? 

Letter 1: To Pat "My 2013"

Dear Patrick,

You recently asked my how I am, well for your candid information, I wouldn't want to be in any place right now except maybe healthier and richer. :) I am in fact quite content about life at this very moment. But there are bad moments too, and it could be better and I am moving towards that better place, or the way it was before....

You know, all I need is an awesome good year, just one MOFO amazing year!. To recover from 2012 and the financial blow it dealt and to rid me of all the health issues I've been facing, good thing that none of which are life threatening.

Anyway actually all my "eggs are in this one basket of a year" - 2013. After turning down and being turned down on several applications last year and early this year, a roller coaster ride of emotions. I am finally at the cusp of leaping forward 10 steps in my career and my financial status along with it.

Hopefully, and I pray, that it materializes because God knows I need this.

On other matters, suddenly there now dreams of going to Europe when there were none, there are also these dreams of still getting back with CN. I get this every two weeks or once a week and I don't mind. Even if I think there's an opportunity for romance. Someone is unknowingly tugging at my heart or at least the place where my heart used to be.
 
Anyway "summer" is almost around and I've yet to lose the weight, and submit the poetry collection to Palanca, that goal setting exercise we had at the agency was a sudden reminder.

Maybe you should submit your proses or something.

See you soon after a year or something,

J

Poem 126: Tapos

May nag uusap lang sa tabi,
tungkol sa volley ball.

Yung hilig mo panoorin.

Tapos naalala kita.

Poem 127: A guy like Neal

Where to find a guy like Neal?

DOTA 2

I've never played DOTA 1. 

Prose 1: Thoughts on Us

I still feel a bit sad whenever I think about us, how far we are from each other even though you are just 10 minutes away. And If I can't write about it or this is just one of the few times I am writing about us, it's a good thing I have people to talk to about it. To express and vent about it.I don't understand why you the love of my life and me supposedly the love of yours can't even do this much...be friends. Are you so far in accepting yourself? or is it me?

I can't grasp what is going on in your life that you can easily so discard me. Was I too cruel? will you never talk to me again? I need to understand, but if we never talk about it. I'm afraid I will harbor this resentment of you and it will grow as time goes by. If you never agree to this, this taste of bitterness will get stronger.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to hope for love, and this hope has almost completely faded and it is at its hardest.

Truly you must believe, I can love you with only the hope for friendship.  

Quotation 1: Luck

Luck favors the prepared.

-Anonymous.

125: To someday

some day my brain will collide with yours

White as snow, we'll mix in my palm.

124: To a moment's peace

For you who can enjoy a moments peace

a moment's escape from the grasp of drowning city sea and air

the afternoon sun to quickly fleeing into the night cold, and the unaffectionate response
of a beloved

the mess of the fruit mesh over your finger
tips, the true dragon fruit, the king of fruits, whose
eggs are murdered and drench the throat with luxury

for you who live lives without a moments
peace

for those who succumb to the mercy of your
fears

let us take a deep breath and enjoy the moments peace


-inspired by R's photo of a Korean pavillion.

123: Impressions of me

none can capture

those.

122: hanging on to nothing

Can you hang on to nothing?

or a greeting

a train of tought,

a belief.

there must be something to hang on to.

otherwise we are just falling.

120: To flowers

Only after death, may the flowers begin to bloom again,

May the flowers of love bloom in January,

In a new year's dawn, where the hopes for caresses,

and kisses are renewed, to which the moments no longer

belong to the dried days and fallen memories of the lost love,

but to the new that's set to spring out of hope.

This moment I found, belongs to me and the flowers that bloom.



- while doing the layout for pinagbenga

119: To B and C

I've lost some of the poems I wrote.

During our Poetry Tuesdays.

Do you have a copy?

I need them for Palanca....

LOL

118: # 3 / International Poetry Month

The creative cat, came out of now where

Behind my dogged brain, 

I wrote this. 

117: For G

In Loving Memory of Tayuman, 

The honyed fragance of the mouth wash

you used right before

you kissed me 8 years ago wafted

over my aroused concsiousness, along with the following images, 

The bag of Migdonald's double cheese burger w/o ketchup, 

LRT, Taft, abad santos, and Natividad st. was it?

And again I ask. 

The questions that we usually ask ourselves.

Whenever we find ourselves alone.   

Contemptous Son of a Bitch

Drafted 2010

I just thought it sounded good.

I'm not really pertaining to anyone but I really just felt like saying it well maybe to someone from work. It maybe impolite to curse someone specially someone way older but hey rock and roll right?

Somehow I found something about myself, aside from being a slut for about 3 years, that I've been trying too many things that I don't end up finishing what I started or promised to do. I have pending paintings etc.

116: Let us meet again - For N

Let us meet again my love,
Like we've never met before.
Some place outside the gates
or beyond the curb of the road
where you used to pick me up.

Let us meet again my love,
beside each other, without this longing
On the seats of your car, my bed,
or the movie house
where we used to hold hands.

Let us meet again my love,
so you can see me today,
hopefully I am without whatever
it was that made you leave.

Let us meet again,
for the first time after a long while,
so that we may continue on a different road,
without whatever it was
that made me leave.

115: Bagong taon - Para kay N

Napaka-laki nitong nararamdaman ko ngayon.
Matapos mo nanaman i-reschedule indefinitely ang ating pag kikita.
Nakaktakot at Nakakabaliw.
marami akong nais sabihin sa iyo ngayon,
tanungin, ngunit hindi ko pa magawa,
dahil hindi ako handa.

Saka nalang. Pero pinalalaki ko ba?
Ako lang ba ang hindi mo nais makita?
Eh baket ka nag sosorry? Malabo ba? kaya hindi ko makita?

Sa kabilang banda, kilala ko ang aking sarili,
Hindi lilipas ito ng kusa,
Kailangan ko yata ng iba, or ikaw
para tapusin ang malaking kahibangan na ito.


Kailangan bigyan ng mas mainit na liwanag,
ang aking katauhang ngayo'y tila paralisado at
nag uumapoy sa
pagdusa, sa pangungulila, sa pagkalito,
kung pag ibig pa nga ba itong nagliliyab.

Kitang kitang malayo ako sa dalampasigan
ng isipan mo. Nasa laot tila ng ibang mundo.

Kailangan ko ng tapusin ito.  

114: Para saakin at saiyo din, para sa atin.

Tila malapit na
matuklasan kung bakit
mabigat ang aking
kaliwang ma ta

Tila malapit na
akong makakababa
mula sa bundok ng
aking kalbaryo

tila matatapos na
ang paglakbay ko sa
kakaibang lugar ng
aking buhay
ngayong ika sampung taon
ng aking pagbaba.

113: PARA KAY BUNDOK APO

Pagbaba ng pababa,

sumakit ang hita,

hiningal,

naging matalas ang isipan, sa hirap

ng pag akyat pababa,

tila naalog nito ang

lahat ng masamang nararamdaman,

nahulog at tila kinuha ng mga bato at ugat.

ng hinangin, o nasinagan ng araw.

Naliwanagan, sa bundok,

at may kakaibang lakas na ipinahiram.

Salamat.

- sa muli kong pagakyat, para magpasalamat sa mga hiling na ipatutupad, magpasalamat sa diyos at magbayad sa pamilya.

112: October 2012

October 2012

Pera, Pera, at Pera.

Putang ina Pera.

111: November 2012

November 2012

PP. El nido.

Tanduay Light (Rhum), Paradise, Close encounters.

Don't hold back.

She knows it already. Jheng does.

Fucking paradise. Beautiful beach.

Hidden lagoon, secret lagoon, mixed signals.

French fries. ABC.

Rooftop.

Magic.

Dolce Vita.

110: December 2012

December 2012

Parties and families.

Kaya.

Tahong Talong, Friendship,

Mt. Apo: Kung di ka napagod, di masaya.

High cut hiking shoes in lieu of "paltos". Spider sex (gagambang nagkakantutan).

Crossed the marble river 6 times. But there's no evidence that I did.

Iron and Sulfur. Comval. Combal. Kidapawan.

Anger, death, love and hope.

The town of Agco.

Di pa ako nagkaroon ng delayed flight sa CEBU PAC.

Empi (brandy). Jess Robredo. Si Kublay.

The Philippines is fucking Amazing.

I sang "You're still the one" sa karaoke over the beach sa isang bar (SEA BALS) sa bayan ng Sta Cruz.

Kiligin ka naman. Grant my wish.

107: 5000 PX

5000,

probably the number of pixels
in your

text message

which created a sweet smile

on this Christmas cold face,

of mine.

108: LA VIE PINOY

LA VIE PINOY


Paray kay Manny, Charice at Ramon Bautista,
Tanduay rhum 5 years, rubadabango, Voltes 5
Vice Ganda, TNL, Ang mahiwagang back pack ni TED FAILON, Ang course ni Nicolihyala, si papa jack pag alas diyes.

Mabuhay.

Eraser Heads and Beauty Queens, Miriam, Charlene, Shamsey, Jenine, Venus, Ely, Raymond, Team Manila,
Ondoy, Habagat, Hanging habagat.
Fishball, Kikiam, Tex at Ice candy,

Mabuhay.

Globe, Tanduay Ice, SML, Pancit, palitaw,
Text text tayo, bababa ba? baba.
Sinturon ni Judas, Divisoria. Mel Tiangco. Kris aquino. Eat Bulaga. Will time big time.

Mabuhay.

Malate, MRT, It's morefun in the PHilippines!
RH, GMA, CAMANAVA, BORA, DOLPHY and Comedy Dauphine Poki.

Mabuhay.

BENCAB, lovebus, MGE,TRAFFIC. TRAFFIC.Bisaya, NPA, Bekinese.

Mabuhay.

106: Sa isipan lamang

Pag naiisip kita.

Kapag pinagiisipan kita.

Naiintindihan ko ang salitang pag-ibig.

At tumatapang ako at naduduwag ng sabay,

Tumatapang dahil sa inaasahang malaking possibiledad

na pagbabalik ng  pag ibig,

naduduwag sa takot, kapag na-iisip ko na ang

hindi dapat isipin. Na maaring wala na. Maari

mong sabihin sa akin, na wala na talaga. At lubha itong nakakatunaw ng

ano mang lakas ng katawan na ibinigay sa akin ng Diyos.


Kapag nakakausap ka dahil nag pumilit ang

alcohol sa utak na tawagan ka.

Lumulusot sa tenga ko ang hibla ng isang hibla ng saya

dulot ng mga binulong ng iyong nakangiting boses.

Nagugunaw ang mundo ko sa bawat matamis

na bisig ng iyong pagsasalita at

sabay na binubuong muli, ng isipan, na may

inakalang, oo pwede pa, parang may piraso ka

pa at natitirang damdamin ng pag-aalala.


Sa pakuwari ko ang kaunting pagka-inis

at mga himulmol ng takot sa

pagtatanong mo kung ako ay may iba na ay senyas ng

kapirasong damdamin.

At iyon lang naman ang kailangan ng imahinasyon ko.

Ang mga pirasong imahinasyon ng damdaming ito, ay pinalalaki, at

ginagamit upang mabuo muli ang pagasa at akoy

tumapang.


Mahigit na sa isang taon kitang hindi nakikita,

mahigit sa isang taon na nung sinabi mo naupos na ang iyong mga damdamin,

at mahigit na rin sa isang taon na tinapos ko na ang ating relasyon ngunit

hindi magawang lubusang putulin ang ating ugnayan.



At naunawaan ko ang lahat, sa aking sarili.



Walang pagmamakaawa at pagdadalwang isip kong pinagdesisyonan na kinailangan natin iyon.

Parang naubos ang maalat mong luha, humikbi, at humikbi, pagkatapos ay ako naman.

Hindi marami, tila ang mga luha ay nauubos lamang kasabay ng damdamin.

Nagbuntong hininga ako at lumipas ang mahigit sa isa at kalahating taon.

Ngunit sa tingin ko bakas na bakas

pa rin sa aking kaluluwa/mukha ang pag ibig,

parang wala nagawa ang oras, ang isang taon.


Hindi man lang lumabnaw ang mga nararamdaman at parang lumapot pa nga.

Umaagos sa mga pulso . Dumadaloy sa isipan ang imahe ng iyong pagkatao.

Hinahamak ako, ng paniniwala.


Parang kinukutya. Isa pang taon siguro, maaring lokohin ko pa na parang baliw ang sarili

 ng isa pang taon. Hindi raw pag ibig pag hindi ganito.

Ipagdarasal ko, na sana ikaw naman ang tumapang ng saglit, at sana marinig

mo talaga mula saakin minsan matapos kitang kausapin habang lasing

sa hindi pagtangapp nga katotohanan,

ang kailangan mo naman sabihin.

105: Internet

Sa sandaling naputol ka.

o internet.

nainis ako at napatingin sa cable.

ginalaw galaw ko ito at natuwa.

Dahil connected na akong muli.

104: Mock vows (if ever I was to get married)

Because,this is who I am.

Someone who loves.

Like everyone one else who loves.

I love you, because this is who I am.

Without a doubt.

Someone who loves you.

103: Selfless

the things that we do
to protect ourselves
protect our gains


the joy that we share
doesn't cost much
as the things that we keep
to tell ourselves


that we are noble
and that we are great


but there's none so
far who can see and give
time and touch and
a true selfless love
not even you
not even me

102: The night is not dark

Once along a shore,

Men and women sat,

on a rooftop made of gold.

One traces with his eyes

the silver outline of the limestone

island cliff across the bay,

The others stare into

the endless magnificence of the sea,

and the moon not quite full, appeared to sing

and its memory, the moonlit glittering town,

the breeze and the booze(rum) are one

the stars and the beautiful eyes are one

the people and the islands are one.

101: Insane (song)

I've been insane
for quite sometime

a couple of years
too many bottles of wine

too many wishes for
you to think
about me sometime.

99: I long for you

I long for Snow and sunshine,
The sea, shared between us
Like a cup of honest tea

I long for the caresses of you hands
Like summer nectar in the afternoon

I long for the certainty of something that has been, and the certainty that it should happen again

The lips of your skin. The depth of your hair.

I long for it and you my love

98: Bitter Sweet

Why were they beautiful in my eyes, a mix of mustard October hues?

So beautiful those painted leaves that gently fello'er me, on a sea of green and pavement grey

sailing like paper boats

As if blown by your kisses

97: Read the books

My room is a jungle, of unread books.

unfinished sketches, and photos of your smiles.

In the corner there is a fountain, where, instead of pristine water,

wild flowers still sky rocket.

There is a fantasy playground, where dreamers play

with flying horses, and create faux memories

of holding hands and subtle pecks at the cheeks.

In my room Tori Amos is singing violently, whimsically.

She shows me white horses and how to ride those

in the beach instead.

Clean up your room she said. Read the books.

Thanks Patty for the words: Jungle, Playground, Flowers, Whimsical, and Skyrocket

96: I don't tell

Anir

Broken hearts and night lights don't mix well.

Validation and control are absurd concepts.

Expectations of other people are poisonous.

Unsolicited advice is disgusting.

Only fools think they can live other peoples lives better,

Because I hate it when people tell me how to live my life,

Because I don't tell them how to live theirs.

This week the golden rule is broken. I hate you for it.