106: Sa isipan lamang

Pag naiisip kita.

Kapag pinagiisipan kita.

Naiintindihan ko ang salitang pag-ibig.

At tumatapang ako at naduduwag ng sabay,

Tumatapang dahil sa inaasahang malaking possibiledad

na pagbabalik ng  pag ibig,

naduduwag sa takot, kapag na-iisip ko na ang

hindi dapat isipin. Na maaring wala na. Maari

mong sabihin sa akin, na wala na talaga. At lubha itong nakakatunaw ng

ano mang lakas ng katawan na ibinigay sa akin ng Diyos.


Kapag nakakausap ka dahil nag pumilit ang

alcohol sa utak na tawagan ka.

Lumulusot sa tenga ko ang hibla ng isang hibla ng saya

dulot ng mga binulong ng iyong nakangiting boses.

Nagugunaw ang mundo ko sa bawat matamis

na bisig ng iyong pagsasalita at

sabay na binubuong muli, ng isipan, na may

inakalang, oo pwede pa, parang may piraso ka

pa at natitirang damdamin ng pag-aalala.


Sa pakuwari ko ang kaunting pagka-inis

at mga himulmol ng takot sa

pagtatanong mo kung ako ay may iba na ay senyas ng

kapirasong damdamin.

At iyon lang naman ang kailangan ng imahinasyon ko.

Ang mga pirasong imahinasyon ng damdaming ito, ay pinalalaki, at

ginagamit upang mabuo muli ang pagasa at akoy

tumapang.


Mahigit na sa isang taon kitang hindi nakikita,

mahigit sa isang taon na nung sinabi mo naupos na ang iyong mga damdamin,

at mahigit na rin sa isang taon na tinapos ko na ang ating relasyon ngunit

hindi magawang lubusang putulin ang ating ugnayan.



At naunawaan ko ang lahat, sa aking sarili.



Walang pagmamakaawa at pagdadalwang isip kong pinagdesisyonan na kinailangan natin iyon.

Parang naubos ang maalat mong luha, humikbi, at humikbi, pagkatapos ay ako naman.

Hindi marami, tila ang mga luha ay nauubos lamang kasabay ng damdamin.

Nagbuntong hininga ako at lumipas ang mahigit sa isa at kalahating taon.

Ngunit sa tingin ko bakas na bakas

pa rin sa aking kaluluwa/mukha ang pag ibig,

parang wala nagawa ang oras, ang isang taon.


Hindi man lang lumabnaw ang mga nararamdaman at parang lumapot pa nga.

Umaagos sa mga pulso . Dumadaloy sa isipan ang imahe ng iyong pagkatao.

Hinahamak ako, ng paniniwala.


Parang kinukutya. Isa pang taon siguro, maaring lokohin ko pa na parang baliw ang sarili

 ng isa pang taon. Hindi raw pag ibig pag hindi ganito.

Ipagdarasal ko, na sana ikaw naman ang tumapang ng saglit, at sana marinig

mo talaga mula saakin minsan matapos kitang kausapin habang lasing

sa hindi pagtangapp nga katotohanan,

ang kailangan mo naman sabihin.

105: Internet

Sa sandaling naputol ka.

o internet.

nainis ako at napatingin sa cable.

ginalaw galaw ko ito at natuwa.

Dahil connected na akong muli.

104: Mock vows (if ever I was to get married)

Because,this is who I am.

Someone who loves.

Like everyone one else who loves.

I love you, because this is who I am.

Without a doubt.

Someone who loves you.

103: Selfless

the things that we do
to protect ourselves
protect our gains


the joy that we share
doesn't cost much
as the things that we keep
to tell ourselves


that we are noble
and that we are great


but there's none so
far who can see and give
time and touch and
a true selfless love
not even you
not even me

102: The night is not dark

Once along a shore,

Men and women sat,

on a rooftop made of gold.

One traces with his eyes

the silver outline of the limestone

island cliff across the bay,

The others stare into

the endless magnificence of the sea,

and the moon not quite full, appeared to sing

and its memory, the moonlit glittering town,

the breeze and the booze(rum) are one

the stars and the beautiful eyes are one

the people and the islands are one.

101: Insane (song)

I've been insane
for quite sometime

a couple of years
too many bottles of wine

too many wishes for
you to think
about me sometime.

99: I long for you

I long for Snow and sunshine,
The sea, shared between us
Like a cup of honest tea

I long for the caresses of you hands
Like summer nectar in the afternoon

I long for the certainty of something that has been, and the certainty that it should happen again

The lips of your skin. The depth of your hair.

I long for it and you my love

98: Bitter Sweet

Why were they beautiful in my eyes, a mix of mustard October hues?

So beautiful those painted leaves that gently fello'er me, on a sea of green and pavement grey

sailing like paper boats

As if blown by your kisses

97: Read the books

My room is a jungle, of unread books.

unfinished sketches, and photos of your smiles.

In the corner there is a fountain, where, instead of pristine water,

wild flowers still sky rocket.

There is a fantasy playground, where dreamers play

with flying horses, and create faux memories

of holding hands and subtle pecks at the cheeks.

In my room Tori Amos is singing violently, whimsically.

She shows me white horses and how to ride those

in the beach instead.

Clean up your room she said. Read the books.

Thanks Patty for the words: Jungle, Playground, Flowers, Whimsical, and Skyrocket

96: I don't tell

Anir

Broken hearts and night lights don't mix well.

Validation and control are absurd concepts.

Expectations of other people are poisonous.

Unsolicited advice is disgusting.

Only fools think they can live other peoples lives better,

Because I hate it when people tell me how to live my life,

Because I don't tell them how to live theirs.

This week the golden rule is broken. I hate you for it.

95:For Cecile

You're a sight to see.

Not a phantom, but a grail.

Real and harmonic.

You vibrate with joy.

And your eyes are filled with it.

You're a sight to see.

Like a star when I look up to the sky,

just before I sleep.

94: The BS song

A BS SONG FOR YOU

I was planning on moving on,

but then i got drunk...

after the break up...

you said you're the kind of person who

really truly deeply loved me ooh

I really thought it was

b b bitter sweet,

and I thought maybe

I could hang on.

Until I got so drunk, again,

and asked you out

but you said you were busy

and bitter sweat became

bi bi bitter..butter shweat

I realized that, with beer ofcourse

unlike everyone else

who used this line

"I hope we can be friends and you'll

always be a part of my life"

you had more BS in you,

because you had the nerve to say it,

and nothing else.

Until I got so drunk, again,

and asked you out

but you said you were busy

and bitter sweat became

bi bi bitter..butter shweat

Now, I think what you said was just all BS, just bull shit.

This boy

This boy

This boy believes in the possibility

that at any given time any human being

can fall inlove with another human being

don't matter if they have 5 eyes,

or a broken set of wings,

or tattered jeans that looks so baduy

This boy believes that

he is inlove with you

another being, which happens

to be a boy

This boy currently believes unlike

some of his friends that

you are "the one" that he would like

to spend a lot of sunshiny and rainy days

in the fields or under the sheets with

This boy will patiently

and earnestly wait for the day

untill he can hold your, his ex-boyfriend's, hand again.

Because this boy is so inlove, and everythying else

is but an unimportant fragment of his world.

Non-Practicing Friends

Non-Practicing Friends

Technically,

I was supposed to write about us being,

but sometimes my comprehension goes out

and everything else follows,

suddenly everything else seems to just happen in my mind

while unreading stuff...and contemplating on the weight of my left eye...

While everthing else is happening and going haywire,

you do not even spend a tiny amount of your oh so precious time

most of the time spent in agonizing about what, you never told me

so my assumption is you spend most of your time thinking about nothing,

...

Technically no one can ever really know what goes on

in each of our minds, but for the love of, say what you mean,

or at leaset don't lead me to expect...

so that at least I know that I haven't had a realationship with

a zombie for the past 2 years.

Perfect Match

A few years back my cousin had a kidney failure. In fact both her kidneys failed. Serendipitously, our other cousin is a kidney surgeon. At the PGH nonetheless.

She underwent a life changing experience. A kidney transplant! nothing compared with what I w

ent through when I had kidney stones and had an ESWL(Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy). Anyhow, I always thought she would be in dialysis for life, but lo and behold, she's right here living with us with out having to go to a dialysis center every so often.

Caio, my cousin is a nurse and she found her perfect match! The kidney that was transplanted to her is now around 2 years old and isn't rejected by her body. So she doesn't have to undergo dialysis anymore. She only has to take some meds, take care of her diet and that's it!

My cousin is living with us because she is taking care of my dad. My dad just had a stroke which paralyzed half of his body. Just a random realization I never knew I loved my dad so much as if all the resentment evaporated.

Anyway life is good to all of us. Thank and praise God! my mom would say.

Currently, my granduncle Conr

ad is staying at our home too! He's the best Granduncle ever! not 'coz he's the only one I know. But I think he's funny and inspirational. He's around 80 years old, but he's as sharp as knife and very funny! He was a nuclear engineer back in the day, saw his pictures and the lot. There was a bomber he armed, "de-classified" now. I forgot to ask what's the name of the bomber. But here's a supercool photo:

The stuff my dreams are made of, I am now rebuilding. Even if my eye isn't moving as fast as it should. Wow this is around 7 paragraphs long! I'm rehabilitated much! I've also now decided that I'm refusing to "grow up" I will remain a child whose dreams are strong and intact. I will write, draw, paint, design, work for the environment and the poor and help heal the world! :)

I wrote

I wrote a few weeks ago that they would probably never change. Now I've forgotten who I was supposed to write about. I really should give myself a few minutes every time I get this urge to write. :)

I thought

Investigate all you want. Its free.

This piece was postponed because I didn't know what else to write.

Note to self: Always call the place first to check if the person or thing you want to see is actually there.

Letter of Resignation

This letter wasn't published because it was written out of anger. It was postponed. Now the anger has passed and so has the reason to publish it. :)

Who will pray for us now?

My Dad just had a stroke. I don't know the details yet but there it is... hypertension because of unhealthy lifestyle.

How coincidental that I'm assigned to do a website about highblood for work....

Crap. I knew this would come but not today. Bad events and good ones happens when we least expect it.

I just realized this blog is as confused as I am.

1,500 PHP and a few questions

Naubos ko yung 1,500 pesos last Saturday. Ambilis!

Stability and Security? How much do you think they cost?

Do you think as we grow old we become less inspired?

I sometimes find myself tapping my feet to the tune of an unknown beat of a song...

This blog means I'll be able to pour out my thoughts in hopes of organizing and getting rid of the not so good stuff. Also hopefully it could help me become more at peace...

I feel that writing gives me peace and joy. I like writing.