Paulit ulit lang ng 2 taon

Sa totoo lang,

wala naman talagang nagbago pa,

hindi pa naman naitotodo pa.

Ang Pinakamagandang Kwento ng Pag ibig.

Hindi na maitataguyod ang pinaka magandang

kwento ng pagiibigan ng dalawang lalaki,

dahil nag pasiya nako na mag move on.

Dahil ikaw ay nagbitiw na ng pinakahihintay

kong mapag panulak na pangungusap:

"okay lang nama po sakin, kahita may iba ka na,

gusto ko happy ka"

parang ganon mo tinext. At parang ganun na rin natunaw, ang madikit, at makapit na pag mamahal ko.

5000 SJADED

...........................................

Cure for being Jaded.

After my thought confessions,
to a friend, and after listing
to a song entitled drops of jupiter,
it occured to me,

that I have turned into a disgustingly
green color
but colors you can judge,
and smells you can measure,

but you can never call a man scum,
nor his fault when he falls from
grace and fancies himself as invincible,

man is bound when he is ignorant,
and free only as he is bound by
his body,

So there is no cure, you will turn green
when life wills it for you,
but you will know, and when that time comes,
you will be the best jaded person

Abrupt

It's not necessary to be abrupt,

let's linger at each other for a few more moments,

we don't have to end it hurriedly,

Specially now that we are in our late twenties,

Our whole fleet of mid adulthood

has finally come to a stage

they call acceptance,

and I have accepted,

that you have been lagging behind,

and I am in front, so I will

walk slower, and you try to catch up,

Sugal, Tula, at Buhay

Dati, ang mga araw ko ay pwedeng basahin,
na parang masayang tula,

ligtas ako sa mapanganib na lungkot,
tila walang pangit na kamay ng baraha
ang tumatabla sa aking pagkatao.

Ngunit dumating ang alas ng kalaban,
Ang buhay mismo, at naging mapanganib
ang aking kapaligiran,

kahit sa tirik na tirik na araw.
at nagbabaga ang liwanag, ay dumadapo
na parang ligaw na mga aswang sa gunita,

ang mga kuko ng kalungkutan, pag aalala,
takot, at anino ng pagod
wagas nilang niyayapos ang aking
dating maliwanag na diwa at malakas na pulso
na tila nadudurog sa bigat ng aking sariling yapak,
at sa bawat ala ala ng mga nakakahinayang,

sa pinakamapanganib na gabi ng aking buhay,
nagbasa ng ibang tula, ang may ari
ng kalawakan, at ako'y ginapos
upang makipaglaban at sumugal sa buhay.

That Summer

There is an addicting taste,
She is the masterpiece
of my memory,
a honey combed summer,
under the curled blue,

of waves and an infinite
stretch of sky that reach
beyond my sight
into the universe of who I was,

And the Sun god's grandeur
fell brightly over the silent
witnesses,
that held us together,
Water, sky, and your ivory soft smile,

and this held me eternally,
for a moment, and in my lost being
I knew,
how to finally live,
And if I close my eyes now,
I can make it last, perfect, infinitely.

PS
and I know why it was enough.

Hungry Ghost Month

August got a bit crazy after a very very awesome weekend with Friends in Sentosa for the Color Run 2013 SG, and a weekend getaway at KL with Saint. August is also where the Chinese celebrate...the Hungry Ghost Month... Which is...

When I came back to the flat Tuesday probably with protozoans in my tummy because of all the mud obstacles, I decided to talk to the love of my life after not receiving any reply to my messages... The conversation was an eye opener. He said that "he would like me to be happy, with someone else" and that's the most painful thing to say in the world, after we've talked about how we can give each other another chance in 2 years, there was a sudden realization that I was talking to someone truly devoid of any feelings for me at all. The person I am deep as space in love with unfortunately doesn't feel the same way. And the idea is that this person is someone I don't want any more grew. He doesn't have it in him to treat me with respect or to be honest to me and to himself about his feelings, He's someone who cannot communicate. I know I have paid my dues already for treating him badly before and I think I deserve a little respect. We knew each other a long time before, and we were quite friends, what I don't understand is that somehow doesn't even count anymore.

I don't think his kind of treatment is what I deserve. It's a very painful fact, and I don't think he understands, he hasn't gone thru a of relationships, or any that I know of.

After 2 years of hoping and hanging on to the hope of eventually getting back together, of nursing a constant dream and eventuality, of settling down, I think I am finally ready to move on. Might sound cliche but this is the hardest thing ever because up until that conversation I was blind to the signs and was only seeing the threads of hope for a future of our relationship. How many times have we decided to be "friends" but he never really did anything to make that happen. Absolutely nothing. And now, I know what I deserve, someone who is honest and forthcoming.

I think the sad reality that I have to accept there is no possibility of getting back with him. Period. The future I know will take care of itself.

But it's finally time to move on. To have a better perspective and to find someone better. To move on from someone I love so dearly, but clearly isn't in the same book.

Fortunately I have friends.. really good friends, new friends who give hope of finding people that are more open.

And there are some friends who are not as supportive, but are honest, and honestly it's not about the looks, or who is better, its actually really about emotional connection.

While I was feeling bad about my personal / love life, work was also a roller coaster ride, but it ended with a job well done.

Now it's time to exploit my new found independence. It's time to be awesome, it's almost September after all and the ghosts of our past have moved on. 

Some Hearts

Some hearts lie steep over emotions

crawl beneath the shallowness of

pride.

Singapore & The Philippines

After my Aikido class (used weapons today), I went to the nearest hawker to my place to have brunch. I've only been in Singapore for a little over 2 months now and I must say this country has suddenly become very dear to me. It shines as a beacon of hope for the whole ASEAN. The people are generally very nice or they know how to be nice.

I really didn't notice but I was sitting beside an old couple, and I was clutching my bag while eating. I guess the old lady, probably around her 60s asked me why I didn't place my bag in the seat next to me. I said to her, because someone might sit on it... but after realizing that... there's no harm in doing I put my bag down.

So she asked me where I was from, and that started a discussion about Singapore and the Philippines with her and her husband.

It wasn't the first time I heard on how advanced the Philippines was back in the '60s and that the rest of the ASEAN nation was looking up to the country I call home. And it wasn't the first time I came across a Singaporean who had a Filipina for a maid either.

We discussed why the Philippines was so stagnant now.. why it fell behind and he said that we needed a stronger economy to change... my country men were nice, intelligent etc. I said I don't think the Philippines had it in their hearts the drive to move forward, we are quite content with the country, the old man Roland  said that that we might wake up one day, when it's all too late.

He said it was easy for Singapore to change, because they were so small... I thought to myself afterwards yes indeed the country is small, but this country is also so big in many ways.

In the end our conclusion was that there is stirring for change in the Philippines a small one..  but let's hope that small glimmer of hope pushes my country men forward.

Singapore is a wonderful gift to the ASEAN. Suddenly these two countries have become so dear to me.

Mwah (mwwahhhhh)

I gotta stop this but I don't know how. I can't deny myself the opportunity of feeling good.  Specially now that I'm alone it's harder. And you never gave me much to hang on to. Unfortunately I'm subject to feeling what my body telling me to feel... and it affects my psyche my mood... which I think in the long run becomes my personality.

I need more than a text message with a mwaaaah in it. I need you to ask me how I am. To ask how I was during the haze. I need a bit more to hang on to.

a flaw

Forming beliefs and passing judgement a human flaw.

Ideas like the idea "opposites" but big ideas have butts or ands

A little Jealous

just a little about curly. 

Three Some

It's a sandwich.

hazy. 

Fancy How you turned into a DB

a Douch bag.

Who would've thought you'd grow up to be who you are now, a scoundrel. 

When is a man undone and when genius is uncovered

Seems like ive been shoved into this path.
Hopefully it leads to uncovering my potential to change the world. Perhaps through writing of thought. But looking at other people lives many have been lead to their doom or into the doldrums of contentment.

What action must we take or can we take to refuse the shovers might and deny our fate in the event we foresee that at the end of the road we are being lead to our undoing.

But then how do we forsee? Perhaps that is finding our genius. Or studying the history of.people.

The Majority vs the Broader View

The collective mind set is the most dangerous thing for the minority. And as minority myself, the idea to defend myself or anyone else I can identify with seems to have taken it's roots in my subconscious.

A society will always have a majority and a minority. And the only defense against oppression or the mind setting of oppression is a broader view of things.

But there are many layers to an individual for example you can belong to the majority of male asian population. But you can be a minority if you are a foreigner. There seems to be a dominant mind set. That binds 1 layer of being a majority. 

Thoughts: End April - May

a hole starts to form and tears start to collect i am not goin to cry even if tis filled, and someday i will build a dam to this all the emotions I feel the will to..

because sometime if you tell the truth no one will believe you.
you sometimes admit to the accusation to help people who can't, understand.

my mind is bound to freedom while other in death

Afternoons lasts for about 3 hours, 

I love to stare at the sky blue, 

it is comforting. 

but somedays 

I can't wait till the stars come out, 

they say that waiting has its merit, 

thay say patience is a virtue, but 

my mind has wandering legs and 

it drags my heart along with it. 

My awakening tested. 

After the confession he made, 

I'm afraid, which is a very good thing. 

Life seems nearer to the way it was, 

I'm moving forward, I'm grateful that I am moving forward. 

I am, part of the know thyself series

I am young man of sense and worth in pursuit of truth freedom faith courage and hope for myself with hopes of influencing the rest of mankind. 

Tula 2: Nicole

Kay sarap mong isipin

Oh Kay sarap tuwing dumadapo
Ang iyong makulay na imahe 

Sa aking kamalayan

Kay tamis ng pag asa na 

iyong binigay sa silong ng hapon

ang OO kahit sa hinaharap pa ay ngayon

nakakapawi ng pagod at poot

Sa gabi bago matulog 

pinalkas mo ang pananalig ko 

sa buhay

O kay sarap mong isipin

Nicole

Poem 129: Snake Like

Snake Like

You're snake like manner and appearance is caught in the middle of nothing.

You are caught in the middle.

I see that you are ssnake-like. 

*this could be a nice poem graph with a giant S.