KIT WILL YOU MARRY ME?

KIT WILL YOU MARRY ME?  - COMMENT YOUR ANSWER :) 

The Accidental Death of My Cat: Nissa

At this point there isn't much to write anymore, I must have gone through my head many times (close to a hundred, a few times, every day, and more recently) the events leading to and the scathing memory of lifting the blue pail I put my beloved cat in and where she flopped dead. 

I of course, tried to revive her but it was too late... 

We were both going to move to Paris, and she was supposed to be picked up by the pet relocation team the next day, what a tragedy right? 

What I can't seem to understand is how my brain keeps replaying the small events that lead to her death, and if only one thing changed... for example the data of her pick up, the blue pail wasn't supposed to be there, the packers didn't forcibly asked me to remove her, or the previous argument with the unit agent. 

As if the universe has conspired for me to experience this loss... as if all these little movements of fate were set up and was leading to some big punch in the face... as if I'm not already overwhelmed... 

I think this is just me unable to accept yet, what I should try to focus is how to get out of this hole... 

The loss and the grief is just incredible, and it makes me with out any other words, very very sad. 

That's it for now. There are still things that I must do... hopefully they turn out what I expect of myself... 

Your mouth the sky

Your mouth is the sky, and your teeth are stars.

I reach out with my tongue like a child who has no strength to resist.

I gaze upon the depth and the beauty of the night. 

You lift your legs to the sky and expose the sun,

I enter it. 

The stars are blind

Behold the night sky
nestling stars
and look upon this
earth of many
extraordinary eyes,

Many search for love,
but they don't find it.
Lately it only seems to
rain heart break
and the onlookers
are flooded with starlight
and tears.

The stars are blind
to the beauty of the eyes
that look upon them.

So are the people who think
that they are in love.

Pastel Blue

The sky is a subject that's always been
so easy to write about. Within the endless comfort
of pastel blue,
I found that there was something
so beautiful hidden within the clouds
A warm hopeful feeling. 

Not like love, love is difficult,
specially when it's young, inexperienced,
and the hearts that hold it are ever changing,

12 Poems

I didn't have 12 poems for you,
I couldn't write them for you then,
I didn't know anything about love,
I thought you didn't know either.

I tried several times, and never did finish.

I don't have 12 poems for you,
nor for my dreams,
I tried to write them
a few years go, and that was
all in vain,

June 2020 - About The Past

It has been 17 years now since the incident that left me depressed & completely and utterly lost. Since then, not a day has gone by that I didn't look back to who I was, or rather who I think that I would've become if that incident didn't happen. There's always some feeling of blame - If that didn't happen and I would be this - but that's not the case, if that didn't happen to me, things could have gone worse, perhaps I would not be here today.

These past few days feels like I've been given some clarity by the universe. I feel that I have been= finally set free from chains of the past. I can finally say that I regret nothing. I know 17 years and I've only accepted my fate now.

Now I choose to be in the present. I will not forget the past, I am the past and my past was beautiful. Now I choose to live, I choose to take hold of my life and drive it to the direction that I want it to be. For what it's worth, this pandemic has given me clarity in life. And I hope that it has given other people that as well.

My immediate goals in life are very clear. Step 1 is financial freedom - it doesn't matter how long it takes 3 years - 5 years. From there I know life will open up.

Playing Magic: The Gathering amidst the Quarantine

by: MTGjaytee

We are a bunch of regular casual players at your old local game shop. Doing magic things, meeting up and grabbing take a way food. You'd find us at Grey Ogre Games every Friday night playing and test-playing our freshly brewed standard decks.

We've always enjoyed the banter - mostly dissing each other’s home brews and even with the rise of Magic: The Gathering Arena last year we've never missed coming to our local game shop (LGS) for some Friday Night Magic (FNM).

However, given the recent situation meeting physically had recently come to a full stop, my friends and I have now been stuck working from home for exactly 3 weeks now. The physical banter may have stopped, but the quarantine caused by the COVID-19 virus has not stopped us from doing what we love – playing Magic: The Gathering.

So while salivating about the new set: Ikoria release  – I’m very happy and excited to share that we’ve just finished our 3^rd Magic: The Gathering Arena tournament - virtual reality style! On the first week that the FNM was cancelled 4 of us decided to download the MTG companion app. Our LGS was still selling the FNM packs for the same entry fee, so we had gone down and bought the packs a few days before – and then finally Friday came!

First, we created a Whatsapp group – and then one of us hosted the event through the MTG Companion app  – super easy you just need to enter the code provided by the app that my friend sent to the rest of the group. And you just input that in your own app, and once everyone's joined with one click – Round 1 pairings were up. After 3 rounds we finished the game and decide to open the packs we bought from the LGS via ZOOM.

On the second week (Friday night!) – another LGS decided to host an FNM via MTGMelee – this time we were 32 players. The experience was great as well! We were able to battle it out to other players who you didn’t actually know and it was facilitated via platform.

The Saturday after the FNM – we did a standard showdown and yet again used the MTG companion app – I noticed we were getting better at this and our virtual group was getting bigger, there were 6 players now!

User Interface 

I found that the MTG companion app for anything unofficial it was super easy to use, you just need to provide a code and any player can join!

You can then see sample pairings here:

What about the prizes?

What we usually do is basically open everything – we then go via our standings and the player with the highest standing gets to pick first, then 2^nd highest players goes next and so on. Our pile below:

As someone who's pretty old school, I feel that paper Magic is still the ultimate experience - and being to acquire the actual physical cards is at the apex. However given the situation - we are on to our next FNM virtual style! Please do comment reach out if you would like to join one of our sessions! 

Flight to Athens

Your airplane's leaving
leaving for Greece,
You messaged me to say
you were leaving me,
I tried to call you, but you said
you were in the plane
You tried to call me, I said
I was in the bus, and you ended it,
5 years over Whatsapp,
Now, there's 15 days left till you land
but I know you are never coming back.

To the middle class

Someone should really criticize the Philippine middle class who always blow up on social media on every crass remark in the senate or even by the president.

It is as if any dumb remark from politicians is still unexpected, as is if we are living the perfect up right lives and are able to fend of the temptations of being in power, as if we actually actively do our part in nation building. Instead we resort to cheap social post that only seeks to judge the 'disgusting' elected senator, who has mastery over the minds of the masses.

No, the middle class seeks only to validate its own perspective in social media.

It's own collective angry and hopeless egos . Envious of the senator who sits in power despite of it all.

The Philippine working middle class has forgotten to show solidarity with the poor. Where were they during Labor Day? where was the middle class during Ondoy, or during disasters?

Netflix

Recently I've been discovering hidden gems in Netflix here's my top 10:

1. 10 year plan - story of old friends turned lovers
2. Garden of words - story of new friends (cougar and a teen) turned lovers
3. RuPaul's Drag Race - story of drag queens
4. Shannara Chronicles - story about elves and druids
5. Chef's table
6. TBC

Journal Entry | Inspired by Your Name

Even if I don't understand them, I turn up the volume of the Japanese movie. Yes I read the subtitles, and I can probably just watch the movie without hearing the characters speak, but I thought it won't be the full experience, there is something carried by the voice. 

Poem 8 | Dead Things

There is no more beauty in dead things and that's why we must bury them.

We must encase them in such beautiful things; in gun shots loud as the collapse of character.

In something hollow like water or air so they may fill an emptiness,

In stars as bright as our fond memories of heroism and regrets.

Most of all we encase dead things into imaginations from which they gain the ability to live in the present and hold us again like they used to.

Poem 6 | Mothers

Fathers die and Mothers fade into their skins folding into cracks. The cold thin lines of their hairs are drawn into a crown, much like the fading gray rays of sunset. We are all drawn unto death much like the sun, set to fade into the west, unwilling like a child's heart that cracks open upon the might of approaching death. And there is no relief from this kind of despair, because we must bear pain in order to move on from life that fades into the unknown but possible rebirth.

Poem 5 | For Jomi L RIP

Why is the inevitable
so adept in its coming
like hair loss 
or weight gain
or a toothache
or sometimes,
happiness
and we are so vulnerable to its departure.

Poem 4 | I am the night

You travel through fields of ripening stars And I am the night destroyed by your dawning, You are a mountain emerging as you approach your face closer to mine, Your perfect slopes rest at my shoulders and  without force, take apart the foundations of my perceptions And as you held my hand inside your car, it was as if, you were holding my breath like your own, And it was, because  I can only speak for myself, it was as if I saw the sun reflected in the sea for the first time in your eyes.

Poem 3 | June Drips Modified | Optimized

the blue
that the
sky is

encompasses 
all hearts

and that
summer

the space
between
sand, skies and
eyes

exhaled the
heat of summer,
and the horizon
witnessed

all hearts
fall

into love

and love
cradled many hearts
like how the sky
held the stars

but.

just like, how
courgeously falling stars fall
and how rains unwillingly
brew into a storm

June’s tempest had
turned our romantic
summer sky
into
a pouring
torrential rain

and May, with
a heart utterly drenched,
had to, without regret

Poem 2 | Recurring | Feb 19 | Filipino Poetry

You travel through fields
of ripening stars

And I am the still night
instantly destroyed 
by your beautiful dawning,

You are a mountain emerging
as you approach your
face closer to mine,

Your perfect slopes
rest at my shoulders and
take apart the foundations
of my perceptions

And as you held my hand
inside your car, it was as if,
you were holding my breath
like your own,

And it was,
as if I saw the sun
reflected in the sea
for the first time in your eyes.

Poem 1 | 2 years | 01 MAY

2 years

Our skins collided noisily under the sheets that wrapped our feet together and your foot woke me up today - Randomly I felt like it was a day in the beach

Where I imagined your eyes were set
And as always your arms, afixed to the horizons of my elbows
unhinged me from my restlessness,

And the waves brought ashore the many things we planned to do, from riding hot air balloons to decorating our flat and possibly adopting a cat

But most importantly what that day brought was a strong thought that overcame my doubts and desires

The one thought that arose - reminded myself that I am happy with you
wrapped around me every morning
and that being with you is one of the few things I am really good at.

Happy 2 years mahal.

Poem 0 | Fragmented and Whole | In Progress

These faces I see in my dreams
are familiar and temporary,
Like the ones I see in reality,
in my mind during waking hours,
the far and the dead.