96: I don't tell

Anir

Broken hearts and night lights don't mix well.

Validation and control are absurd concepts.

Expectations of other people are poisonous.

Unsolicited advice is disgusting.

Only fools think they can live other peoples lives better,

Because I hate it when people tell me how to live my life,

Because I don't tell them how to live theirs.

This week the golden rule is broken. I hate you for it.

95:For Cecile

You're a sight to see.

Not a phantom, but a grail.

Real and harmonic.

You vibrate with joy.

And your eyes are filled with it.

You're a sight to see.

Like a star when I look up to the sky,

just before I sleep.

94: The BS song

A BS SONG FOR YOU

I was planning on moving on,

but then i got drunk...

after the break up...

you said you're the kind of person who

really truly deeply loved me ooh

I really thought it was

b b bitter sweet,

and I thought maybe

I could hang on.

Until I got so drunk, again,

and asked you out

but you said you were busy

and bitter sweat became

bi bi bitter..butter shweat

I realized that, with beer ofcourse

unlike everyone else

who used this line

"I hope we can be friends and you'll

always be a part of my life"

you had more BS in you,

because you had the nerve to say it,

and nothing else.

Until I got so drunk, again,

and asked you out

but you said you were busy

and bitter sweat became

bi bi bitter..butter shweat

Now, I think what you said was just all BS, just bull shit.

This boy

This boy

This boy believes in the possibility

that at any given time any human being

can fall inlove with another human being

don't matter if they have 5 eyes,

or a broken set of wings,

or tattered jeans that looks so baduy

This boy believes that

he is inlove with you

another being, which happens

to be a boy

This boy currently believes unlike

some of his friends that

you are "the one" that he would like

to spend a lot of sunshiny and rainy days

in the fields or under the sheets with

This boy will patiently

and earnestly wait for the day

untill he can hold your, his ex-boyfriend's, hand again.

Because this boy is so inlove, and everythying else

is but an unimportant fragment of his world.

Non-Practicing Friends

Non-Practicing Friends

Technically,

I was supposed to write about us being,

but sometimes my comprehension goes out

and everything else follows,

suddenly everything else seems to just happen in my mind

while unreading stuff...and contemplating on the weight of my left eye...

While everthing else is happening and going haywire,

you do not even spend a tiny amount of your oh so precious time

most of the time spent in agonizing about what, you never told me

so my assumption is you spend most of your time thinking about nothing,

...

Technically no one can ever really know what goes on

in each of our minds, but for the love of, say what you mean,

or at leaset don't lead me to expect...

so that at least I know that I haven't had a realationship with

a zombie for the past 2 years.

Perfect Match

A few years back my cousin had a kidney failure. In fact both her kidneys failed. Serendipitously, our other cousin is a kidney surgeon. At the PGH nonetheless.

She underwent a life changing experience. A kidney transplant! nothing compared with what I w

ent through when I had kidney stones and had an ESWL(Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy). Anyhow, I always thought she would be in dialysis for life, but lo and behold, she's right here living with us with out having to go to a dialysis center every so often.

Caio, my cousin is a nurse and she found her perfect match! The kidney that was transplanted to her is now around 2 years old and isn't rejected by her body. So she doesn't have to undergo dialysis anymore. She only has to take some meds, take care of her diet and that's it!

My cousin is living with us because she is taking care of my dad. My dad just had a stroke which paralyzed half of his body. Just a random realization I never knew I loved my dad so much as if all the resentment evaporated.

Anyway life is good to all of us. Thank and praise God! my mom would say.

Currently, my granduncle Conr

ad is staying at our home too! He's the best Granduncle ever! not 'coz he's the only one I know. But I think he's funny and inspirational. He's around 80 years old, but he's as sharp as knife and very funny! He was a nuclear engineer back in the day, saw his pictures and the lot. There was a bomber he armed, "de-classified" now. I forgot to ask what's the name of the bomber. But here's a supercool photo:

The stuff my dreams are made of, I am now rebuilding. Even if my eye isn't moving as fast as it should. Wow this is around 7 paragraphs long! I'm rehabilitated much! I've also now decided that I'm refusing to "grow up" I will remain a child whose dreams are strong and intact. I will write, draw, paint, design, work for the environment and the poor and help heal the world! :)

I wrote

I wrote a few weeks ago that they would probably never change. Now I've forgotten who I was supposed to write about. I really should give myself a few minutes every time I get this urge to write. :)

I thought

Investigate all you want. Its free.

This piece was postponed because I didn't know what else to write.

Note to self: Always call the place first to check if the person or thing you want to see is actually there.

Letter of Resignation

This letter wasn't published because it was written out of anger. It was postponed. Now the anger has passed and so has the reason to publish it. :)

Who will pray for us now?

My Dad just had a stroke. I don't know the details yet but there it is... hypertension because of unhealthy lifestyle.

How coincidental that I'm assigned to do a website about highblood for work....

Crap. I knew this would come but not today. Bad events and good ones happens when we least expect it.

I just realized this blog is as confused as I am.

1,500 PHP and a few questions

Naubos ko yung 1,500 pesos last Saturday. Ambilis!

Stability and Security? How much do you think they cost?

Do you think as we grow old we become less inspired?

I sometimes find myself tapping my feet to the tune of an unknown beat of a song...

This blog means I'll be able to pour out my thoughts in hopes of organizing and getting rid of the not so good stuff. Also hopefully it could help me become more at peace...

I feel that writing gives me peace and joy. I like writing.

Beggars for Conversations

Today the topics in mind were: raising kids, if Lilli was pregnant, and it was about finding my passion in life.

The words that floated right on top of my head today were the following:

I've watched them for too long. These people they are fearless. These people were driven by an itching inexplainable force. Artists and writers, healers and mages, musicians all over the country gathered before me. I've admired them. Specially the gay men who are the most fearless, noblest and the most tolerant of things, of the differences. The differences that caused life to be beautiful, ugly and merciless.

I admired them for they were passionate. In singing, in their tattoos. I on the other hand remain at peace as I write about them. My emotions gushed out of my heart and I realized it was writing that I was passionate about. ...

That was a solid good two paragraphs.

Walls Are Begging For Paintings

It is just a matter of starting and discipline.

Discipline.

And these walls are begging for a painting. :)

Why should I care? Why should I keep caring?

They don't seem to.

Spilled Rum

Last night I spilled Rum over C's friend. I don't know but maybe somethings really wrong with how I focus my eyes, I miscalculated the depth of the table.

Hey you know what I think I've just been isolated. Booo!

Detach.

I don't know I'm feeling restless and emotional and I need to write. Nobody wants to be left behind, isolated or rejected.

I don't know what to do with my life. Maybe I need to get away for a while and get a fresh perspective about my life.

C's Birthday

Dear J,

You should learn how to play the drums.

J
_____________________________

Dear E and C,

Thank you for being great friends!

Mars,

Please take up yoga.
____________________________________

There were many rockstars tonight. It was a pleasant evening.

I was trying to be articulate tonight. In my head I still am.

I also passed by DLSU although despite the fact that I missed the play the trip didn't end up in total vain.

Life will give you meaning, get a life.

There were many assholes on the road tonight.

I had fun being by myself driving around the metro....

Another Lost Digital Pitch

This time it really hurt because I know I really gave a lot into this project. I would really like to know what went wrong and why we were not chosen.

The Urge

Mainly in my life there are few things that i am urged to do,

1. the urge to write

2. the urge to draw

3. to help society

4. the urge to have sex hehehe

and lastly the urge to find out what the hell am I really going to do?

I'm not stuck in the med school frame of mind anymore, but I'm neither motivated to dive into the creative world.

Stuck in the Past

Thesis for today is: DRINK BEER TO DROWN ALL MY PROBLEMS EVEN IF THEY CAN SWIM!

BUT I HAVE STONES SO UNLESS I WANT TO HAVE MORE PROBLEMS... I CAN'T DRINK!

FUCK LIFE IT SEEMS I ALWAYS GET STUCK IN A DEADLOCK.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE DENTIST

MY SINUS DOCTOR

GET AN ULTRA SOUND

PAY MY PHONE BILL and GET A FUCKING PC!


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!


AND OH YEAH FUCK ALL THE CONSERVATIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING SELF EXPRESSION OVER THE FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA!

This Unread Blog

God, no one probably ever really reads this blog of mine?

Shucks.

I guess there's little humor, not any substantial information, this is just actually a virtual diary? Open to the public.

The entertainment value of this blog I guess is close to nill.

I should really go to the dentist.

Further in the night

He said we are in the cusp of the new age in advertising.

The urge usually comes at night to pick up a pen and write.

I guess my prayers before the dark ages in my life worked.

My guess is queer gives the norm an excuse?

I see myself shattered compared to my peers... but finally my life is unfolding and I think that the art of writing is most appealing as a career.

I am rediscovering my senses, therefore life's forgotten simple pleasures seem to resurface. A scrumptious plate of ground meat, peas and bananas just before midnight made me feel really good.

Again I'm thankful of the love and the people around me.