117: For G

In Loving Memory of Tayuman, 

The honyed fragance of the mouth wash

you used right before

you kissed me 8 years ago wafted

over my aroused concsiousness, along with the following images, 

The bag of Migdonald's double cheese burger w/o ketchup, 

LRT, Taft, abad santos, and Natividad st. was it?

And again I ask. 

The questions that we usually ask ourselves.

Whenever we find ourselves alone.   

Contemptous Son of a Bitch

Drafted 2010

I just thought it sounded good.

I'm not really pertaining to anyone but I really just felt like saying it well maybe to someone from work. It maybe impolite to curse someone specially someone way older but hey rock and roll right?

Somehow I found something about myself, aside from being a slut for about 3 years, that I've been trying too many things that I don't end up finishing what I started or promised to do. I have pending paintings etc.

116: Let us meet again - For N

Let us meet again my love,
Like we've never met before.
Some place outside the gates
or beyond the curb of the road
where you used to pick me up.

Let us meet again my love,
beside each other, without this longing
On the seats of your car, my bed,
or the movie house
where we used to hold hands.

Let us meet again my love,
so you can see me today,
hopefully I am without whatever
it was that made you leave.

Let us meet again,
for the first time after a long while,
so that we may continue on a different road,
without whatever it was
that made me leave.

115: Bagong taon - Para kay N

Napaka-laki nitong nararamdaman ko ngayon.
Matapos mo nanaman i-reschedule indefinitely ang ating pag kikita.
Nakaktakot at Nakakabaliw.
marami akong nais sabihin sa iyo ngayon,
tanungin, ngunit hindi ko pa magawa,
dahil hindi ako handa.

Saka nalang. Pero pinalalaki ko ba?
Ako lang ba ang hindi mo nais makita?
Eh baket ka nag sosorry? Malabo ba? kaya hindi ko makita?

Sa kabilang banda, kilala ko ang aking sarili,
Hindi lilipas ito ng kusa,
Kailangan ko yata ng iba, or ikaw
para tapusin ang malaking kahibangan na ito.


Kailangan bigyan ng mas mainit na liwanag,
ang aking katauhang ngayo'y tila paralisado at
nag uumapoy sa
pagdusa, sa pangungulila, sa pagkalito,
kung pag ibig pa nga ba itong nagliliyab.

Kitang kitang malayo ako sa dalampasigan
ng isipan mo. Nasa laot tila ng ibang mundo.

Kailangan ko ng tapusin ito.  

114: Para saakin at saiyo din, para sa atin.

Tila malapit na
matuklasan kung bakit
mabigat ang aking
kaliwang ma ta

Tila malapit na
akong makakababa
mula sa bundok ng
aking kalbaryo

tila matatapos na
ang paglakbay ko sa
kakaibang lugar ng
aking buhay
ngayong ika sampung taon
ng aking pagbaba.

113: PARA KAY BUNDOK APO

Pagbaba ng pababa,

sumakit ang hita,

hiningal,

naging matalas ang isipan, sa hirap

ng pag akyat pababa,

tila naalog nito ang

lahat ng masamang nararamdaman,

nahulog at tila kinuha ng mga bato at ugat.

ng hinangin, o nasinagan ng araw.

Naliwanagan, sa bundok,

at may kakaibang lakas na ipinahiram.

Salamat.

- sa muli kong pagakyat, para magpasalamat sa mga hiling na ipatutupad, magpasalamat sa diyos at magbayad sa pamilya.

112: October 2012

October 2012

Pera, Pera, at Pera.

Putang ina Pera.

111: November 2012

November 2012

PP. El nido.

Tanduay Light (Rhum), Paradise, Close encounters.

Don't hold back.

She knows it already. Jheng does.

Fucking paradise. Beautiful beach.

Hidden lagoon, secret lagoon, mixed signals.

French fries. ABC.

Rooftop.

Magic.

Dolce Vita.

110: December 2012

December 2012

Parties and families.

Kaya.

Tahong Talong, Friendship,

Mt. Apo: Kung di ka napagod, di masaya.

High cut hiking shoes in lieu of "paltos". Spider sex (gagambang nagkakantutan).

Crossed the marble river 6 times. But there's no evidence that I did.

Iron and Sulfur. Comval. Combal. Kidapawan.

Anger, death, love and hope.

The town of Agco.

Di pa ako nagkaroon ng delayed flight sa CEBU PAC.

Empi (brandy). Jess Robredo. Si Kublay.

The Philippines is fucking Amazing.

I sang "You're still the one" sa karaoke over the beach sa isang bar (SEA BALS) sa bayan ng Sta Cruz.

Kiligin ka naman. Grant my wish.

107: 5000 PX

5000,

probably the number of pixels
in your

text message

which created a sweet smile

on this Christmas cold face,

of mine.

108: LA VIE PINOY

LA VIE PINOY


Paray kay Manny, Charice at Ramon Bautista,
Tanduay rhum 5 years, rubadabango, Voltes 5
Vice Ganda, TNL, Ang mahiwagang back pack ni TED FAILON, Ang course ni Nicolihyala, si papa jack pag alas diyes.

Mabuhay.

Eraser Heads and Beauty Queens, Miriam, Charlene, Shamsey, Jenine, Venus, Ely, Raymond, Team Manila,
Ondoy, Habagat, Hanging habagat.
Fishball, Kikiam, Tex at Ice candy,

Mabuhay.

Globe, Tanduay Ice, SML, Pancit, palitaw,
Text text tayo, bababa ba? baba.
Sinturon ni Judas, Divisoria. Mel Tiangco. Kris aquino. Eat Bulaga. Will time big time.

Mabuhay.

Malate, MRT, It's morefun in the PHilippines!
RH, GMA, CAMANAVA, BORA, DOLPHY and Comedy Dauphine Poki.

Mabuhay.

BENCAB, lovebus, MGE,TRAFFIC. TRAFFIC.Bisaya, NPA, Bekinese.

Mabuhay.

106: Sa isipan lamang

Pag naiisip kita.

Kapag pinagiisipan kita.

Naiintindihan ko ang salitang pag-ibig.

At tumatapang ako at naduduwag ng sabay,

Tumatapang dahil sa inaasahang malaking possibiledad

na pagbabalik ng  pag ibig,

naduduwag sa takot, kapag na-iisip ko na ang

hindi dapat isipin. Na maaring wala na. Maari

mong sabihin sa akin, na wala na talaga. At lubha itong nakakatunaw ng

ano mang lakas ng katawan na ibinigay sa akin ng Diyos.


Kapag nakakausap ka dahil nag pumilit ang

alcohol sa utak na tawagan ka.

Lumulusot sa tenga ko ang hibla ng isang hibla ng saya

dulot ng mga binulong ng iyong nakangiting boses.

Nagugunaw ang mundo ko sa bawat matamis

na bisig ng iyong pagsasalita at

sabay na binubuong muli, ng isipan, na may

inakalang, oo pwede pa, parang may piraso ka

pa at natitirang damdamin ng pag-aalala.


Sa pakuwari ko ang kaunting pagka-inis

at mga himulmol ng takot sa

pagtatanong mo kung ako ay may iba na ay senyas ng

kapirasong damdamin.

At iyon lang naman ang kailangan ng imahinasyon ko.

Ang mga pirasong imahinasyon ng damdaming ito, ay pinalalaki, at

ginagamit upang mabuo muli ang pagasa at akoy

tumapang.


Mahigit na sa isang taon kitang hindi nakikita,

mahigit sa isang taon na nung sinabi mo naupos na ang iyong mga damdamin,

at mahigit na rin sa isang taon na tinapos ko na ang ating relasyon ngunit

hindi magawang lubusang putulin ang ating ugnayan.



At naunawaan ko ang lahat, sa aking sarili.



Walang pagmamakaawa at pagdadalwang isip kong pinagdesisyonan na kinailangan natin iyon.

Parang naubos ang maalat mong luha, humikbi, at humikbi, pagkatapos ay ako naman.

Hindi marami, tila ang mga luha ay nauubos lamang kasabay ng damdamin.

Nagbuntong hininga ako at lumipas ang mahigit sa isa at kalahating taon.

Ngunit sa tingin ko bakas na bakas

pa rin sa aking kaluluwa/mukha ang pag ibig,

parang wala nagawa ang oras, ang isang taon.


Hindi man lang lumabnaw ang mga nararamdaman at parang lumapot pa nga.

Umaagos sa mga pulso . Dumadaloy sa isipan ang imahe ng iyong pagkatao.

Hinahamak ako, ng paniniwala.


Parang kinukutya. Isa pang taon siguro, maaring lokohin ko pa na parang baliw ang sarili

 ng isa pang taon. Hindi raw pag ibig pag hindi ganito.

Ipagdarasal ko, na sana ikaw naman ang tumapang ng saglit, at sana marinig

mo talaga mula saakin minsan matapos kitang kausapin habang lasing

sa hindi pagtangapp nga katotohanan,

ang kailangan mo naman sabihin.

105: Internet

Sa sandaling naputol ka.

o internet.

nainis ako at napatingin sa cable.

ginalaw galaw ko ito at natuwa.

Dahil connected na akong muli.

104: Mock vows (if ever I was to get married)

Because,this is who I am.

Someone who loves.

Like everyone one else who loves.

I love you, because this is who I am.

Without a doubt.

Someone who loves you.

103: Selfless

the things that we do
to protect ourselves
protect our gains


the joy that we share
doesn't cost much
as the things that we keep
to tell ourselves


that we are noble
and that we are great


but there's none so
far who can see and give
time and touch and
a true selfless love
not even you
not even me

102: The night is not dark

Once along a shore,

Men and women sat,

on a rooftop made of gold.

One traces with his eyes

the silver outline of the limestone

island cliff across the bay,

The others stare into

the endless magnificence of the sea,

and the moon not quite full, appeared to sing

and its memory, the moonlit glittering town,

the breeze and the booze(rum) are one

the stars and the beautiful eyes are one

the people and the islands are one.

101: Insane (song)

I've been insane
for quite sometime

a couple of years
too many bottles of wine

too many wishes for
you to think
about me sometime.

99: I long for you

I long for Snow and sunshine,
The sea, shared between us
Like a cup of honest tea

I long for the caresses of you hands
Like summer nectar in the afternoon

I long for the certainty of something that has been, and the certainty that it should happen again

The lips of your skin. The depth of your hair.

I long for it and you my love

98: Bitter Sweet

Why were they beautiful in my eyes, a mix of mustard October hues?

So beautiful those painted leaves that gently fello'er me, on a sea of green and pavement grey

sailing like paper boats

As if blown by your kisses

97: Read the books

My room is a jungle, of unread books.

unfinished sketches, and photos of your smiles.

In the corner there is a fountain, where, instead of pristine water,

wild flowers still sky rocket.

There is a fantasy playground, where dreamers play

with flying horses, and create faux memories

of holding hands and subtle pecks at the cheeks.

In my room Tori Amos is singing violently, whimsically.

She shows me white horses and how to ride those

in the beach instead.

Clean up your room she said. Read the books.

Thanks Patty for the words: Jungle, Playground, Flowers, Whimsical, and Skyrocket