The Poor

I was in bathroom taking a bath, when thoughts about life consumed me. I thought about how lucky i am, still, despite everything, then i thought about the poor people who live in the streets, and how better their lives could be,

we only get one life, one cycle maybe, or maybe not, if theres a next cycle and my conscious mind would awake in a different body... i mean if i were in their shoes, i can't really imagine, i guess whet i'm really trying to get at is that, our society somehow limits them, and i guess i'd like to really work to give them a better life.

Maybe this could be a career path i want to explore...

Alas Otso

Nag
ba
bak
bak

Ang aking kasiyahan,

At naBUBUO lamang
Tuwing ang aking
Kasintahan
Ay
Dumadalaw
Sa aming
(Tahan)nan
Tuwing
A
L
A
S
O
T
S
O

Ng mmm-aga.

Dreams

I woke up feeling, somehow my dreams were taken away, I feel devoid of a sense of a direction, maybe it's just the medicine i've been taking lately, i've been taking too many lately. Just to name a few, Decolgen, Xyzal, prednisone.I have to douch Phisomer saline solution. and that's just tip of the iceberg, i've taken, claritin, claricort?, spray Azep, potassium citrate, more prednisone... Maybe i'd try to remember all meds in a different blog, I feel that my dreams, have slipped away. I have no motivation. despite for wanting a few material things and the desire to win a palanca award. I feel that I'm not really where i'm supposed to be, but i don't even know where i'm really supposed to. It isn't that i'm unhappy or anything, infact, despite the lack of motivation and the chaotic house renovation i'm really really grateful.

I pray, that I find myself. Soon I hope.

Momah

(an old post from garnetskies.blogspot(nostalgic fever))

Are you certain you love someone? How about your parents or your siblings? do you really love them?

These are the questions floating in my head, am i actually loved? (maybe my family is different than yours maybe you are luckier)

Have you given it much thought? I think that in life, there comes a point where you realize that you do love them, and if not maybe its time to try. Because I believe that its pointless to live a life without love. :)

She's living her life now, after enduring so much trouble, pain and regret.

After losing many of her years to motherhood, she's just starting to find herself.

After working for so long and hard in an insurance company.

After keeping together a family...

To look at her now just lifts me up. I feel proud for my mom for being able to be finally happy and for being able to live her life how she wants it.

I love my mom.

Ode to a bedroom fly

Oh black fly buzzing, landing on my face
(Your'e a bit too fast
for my hand to catch.)
why don't you just get the hell of
my fucking space!


Check mate! the black queen shouts,
She gives me no escape.
I am trapped in my room.
I yield to the power of the black fly
I concede.

Out of Place

I feel that i need to get out of the many places I am in now. Let's start at home, our house is under renovation, it's dusty, noisy, and chaotic, I wish I had my own secret hideaway. Maybe I just have to wait for the construction to finish or find a place of my own. but its not so easy, i just came from a nasal surgery because of an allergy case gone haywire, so if i stay, id have to deal with having a clogged nose for a prolonged period of time, again. Well i cant really find a place of my own. because well simple put, I can't afford it.

At work, i'm pretty sure no one from the office reads my blog, but heck yeah, i feel the pressure of work getting to me, i shall not elaborate,but basically its a roller coaster ride everyday, basically its about winning and losing... i should really focus on getting things done faster, maybe i really need a rest from the emotionality of it all, it really just drains me.

From myself, slowly i'm getting better i think. in terms of health, etc. but again there are just emotions that won't completely drown. emotions for certain people that keep resurfacing, and i'm exhauseted. emotionally this time. I feel that i am lost to many of these problems.

It seems easy enough to just walk away from it all, if only i had the gust, i would pack my bags and go to a place where i can find myself,

Some thoughts

I just thought that what if the entire human race left earth for maybe 1 hour. I think that would let the earth breathe. Give it the hour that it deserves. This would be a nice plot for a movie I guess. Also a story told from a lover's point of view, 30 years after meeting his girlfriend. I think that's also a good plot.

Maybe I just watched too much sci-fi movies like the chronicles of riddick. It was really entertaining.

No sense of success

I was reading the Adobo magazine earlier today. There was an article about a Great Speaker in the Advertising Congress. He talked about ways on how we can achieve success in life.

I think I've become jaded, exhausted about life a little too soon, I am but in my quarter life, and if I had read the article a few years back, whatever he had said would have made me emotional and interested to find out what path could lead me to success, and I would heed whatever advice that he gave, like how I the smell of ripe pineapples interests me. instead I realized something,

I realized that recently success doesn't interest me anymore, I have lost a sense, a definition of success. and I think it is one of the saddest things that could happen to anyone.

Old article published in manila bulletin last Dec 23, 2006

The lanterns that almost never were

It was a fine Friday morning last week when students and faculty of the UP College of Fine Arts (CFA) gathered at the school auditorium to hear from college secretary Prof. Totet De Jesus. They were told about the possible fate of this year's Lantern Parade, a tradition since 1922 that is more of UP's way to celebrate the holiday season.

Though the students were still spent and exhausted from staying up late the night before to work on the floats for the annual celebration, they waited anxiously for the news. Soon, De Jesus confirmed their worst fears.

"The UP parade has been canceled because of 'security concerns,'" he announced.

De Jesus explained that the CFA would still be able to have a smaller parade on its own secluded college grounds, but not across the university as usual. He added that they could no longer re-schedule it since it was already the last day of classes.

So that the floats that the students worked so hard on for weeks and all their efforts would not go to waste, the CFA administration thought it best to the college's own program and for the floats to parade on the college grounds.

Not much questions were raised. Perhaps the students were too stunned by the news. A University Student Council representative, Pog Bartolome stood up and urged the audience to push through with the Lantern Parade.

"Students will not harm fellow students," he explained. The meeting was adjourned.

Yet somehow an option was left with the young artists of CFA. Confused, they nevertheless went back to finishing their floats.

There were conversations among some faculty members and students. Some opted to stay for fear of being used in the rally against the tuition fee increase. Other teachers allowed their students to go. The students were divided as well. Yet, all of them just wanted their art seen.

PRODIGAL FLOATS

New CFA Dean Florentina Colayco went around the college and explained to the busy students that whatever the students decide on, she will respect it. Until the last minute, the students struggled and deliberated. At a quarter to four o'clock, majority finally decided to march on.

The huge crowd hailed and beheld the majesty of the CFA floats and a few other colleges that pushed through, including the colleges of Architecture and Engineering.

Among the CFA floats attuned to this year's theme "Philippine Children's Games" were the crowd favorite Pukpok Palayok, the Palabunutan, and the Batang Lata. Nobody could trace the struggle that had earlier beset the students who by that time were already parading valiantly through the University grounds. By sunset, the floats glowed on cue, reminiscent of the old tradition centuries back when Pinoys carried lanterns to mark the start of the simbang gabi.

Tired but satisfied, the Fine Arts students were welcomed back home into their college grounds and as part of the CFA program, the admin and faculty hailed and presented the prodigal floats and as well as the ones that decided to stay.

Colayco thanked the students for pushing through and the students thanked her as well for respecting their decision. Students also shouted out their apprecitation for the teachers who escorted them – Prof. Mel Silvestre who lead the freshment together with their amazing individual floats; Mang Dong who marshalled the students; and their former dean Virginia Dandan for marching together with the students all the way through.

In the end it was not about politics, not about protests; it was all about the artists and the creations they needed to show the crowd that awaited the festive lantern parade tradition. A student was asked what he thought and he said he remembered one professor saying last year "it is in the Lantern Parade where you will see people appreciate the beauty of your art." That was what they wanted, and that was exactly what happened.

Pain

Ouch.

Silence.

Frown.

Silent.

xnt8ejdzpc

The modern strings of life

The modern strings of life part 1

At present

imagine the man who spins his web
then imagine 7 billion weaving

Pick one man

look at the lines that hold him in place
sticky strings shoot out from his desire

not knowing

lines of luxury and dissociation
there are lines of friendship tested by the lines
of crisis
and unfamiliar lines that bind him nonetheless

conflicting

strings pull his hands and feet
until those parts bleed

webbed

strings pull on so hard that we find him dead
decapitated by his own desires

complex

woven strings
that fail him time and time and time again.

poem # 12

You cut through my heart like the lightning that shatters my window.
I wish your continued silence be bro ken like how the thunder
s_ a_ t_ r_ s
_h_ t_ e_ the night still.

I gasp at the thought as the thunderstorm clouds approach me.
I know the familiar dread it brings.

Unlike the rain, the storm clouds could never touch the ground.

It is sad for I don't know how to transofrm myself into the beads
that drown themselves upon you.

So it remains

You

a
_n
__d

I

set___________________________ a part
by the r
______a
_______i
________n.

Moments of Desire

My desire is freedom from you

yet it is my desire to be with you

in a prison of fiery love that burns
with passionate kisses and caresses

it is my obsession for oil to wash our bodies fervently
strong like how water rushes from the falls

I want it seething, lingering in our bones
I want it to set aflame our souls

until our bodies dance like the
flames that fuel the sun.

my desire is to shine in the universe
both of us radiating eternally

it will be
until i collapse and
or
be free to
desire ONCE more.

Moonlit

Moonlit


it was a moonlit night

i finally saw it in your eyes, the yearning ive

longed to see

the wanting i have secretly wished

they burn in your eyes the moon showed me




it was a reverie

the revelation that took place upon a farther night

when i think we had our fake i love yous but partially they

were meant

i hope they are at least...



but then you continue to elude me and yourself

and i couldnt face you either

so we escape each others grasps once more



i doubt this would be the same as the loves i had before

but this could go somewhere farther than the moon

if only you were someone else...

someone i also wish to be you...

Love Poem 2

Your Music

its your music that lingers with me
flows through me back

to not so long ago
i never listened to it
but as it plays

it brings the love back not
all but some of it

tears begin to form
sorrow envelops me because no matter
how hard i try to summon whole

the love we used to share
it just wouldnt anymore

song after song plays then
as it ends the feelings disappear
i play them again
your music
but it just would'nt play the feelings anymore.

Love Poem 1

Love series

Love

a gnawing thought more than us
eating my bones breaking me cell after cell
after cell

Piecing together a dramatic and confused
individual

one part hurting
another longing
mostly crying

wholely in love.

The shadow

the tiny shadow of a fleeting black butterfly that is,
the world to me

insignificant, pure and impure thoughts of dying and meeting my flame engulf me
like crashing to a candle weakly burning
striking me

my cocoon is rotten and they do not see me for what i am truly
because i have left my cocoon
and what is left is a shadow of a burning black butterfly
_____________________________________________________

thanks to eunice
i think id rather choose to go up than to dig deeper