One hot Saturday in May 2010

I will not be defined by cliches. i.e. the more you hate the more you love. I think I felt hate today. Partly hated myself too actually.

Why do I feel that there are very few people who are capable of thinking beyond what would benefit themselves.

On that note this song/poem is for you.

Oh, I got something to tell you.

Oh, I got something to say.

You are different, indifferehent.

You are terribehel, dispicabehl

You are notorious, so dangerous.

High expectations rushing to my brain.

You are a let down, a low down.


You are different, indifferehent.

You are terribehel, dispicabehl

You are notorious, so dangerous.


so self absorbed, so negative, so selfish.



--- well its unfinished.


The day was better bumped into an old friend talked about life. depression.facing your fears.

I guess what we are avoiding really is our own thoughts of what others may believe about ourselves. I think it gets harder as we grow older.

sigh. :)

And another one bites the dust...

Another colleague will leave the office.

Most of the time goodbyes are never as sweet as hellos.

:(

How Apt.

My Chinese Horoscope.

You will find deep and abiding changes are happening in the workplace. Don't fear or resist them as they are absolutely vital to sweeping you to a much more prosperous and happy position in the long term. Don't let yourself be bullied or guilted into taking on work you are not paid for.

Brighter side

For the record: My sinuses, general well being is wayyyyyyyyyyy beyond better than before the rhinoplasty and adenoidectomy. :)

Thanks dr. Lopa! You are a miracle worker!

The Office Space

It was just too bad that we didn't hit our deadline again.

We are doing this site for a real estate company and we've not been hitting the deadlines.

Reasons:

1. There's just too much work.
2. Plus we didn't manage our work loads my fault.
3. It's not like we work slow but maybe we lack the system and the experience to execute stuff quickly.
4. Deadlines are somewhat strict and unreasonable.

Maybe the stress is just getting to me. I don't know.

Also an office mate is asked to resign is that even legal?

Dunno maybe I'm just stressed out.

No sleep for the restless, No rest for the weary.

- Nighttime Ogling

Pennies for my passion.

Gold for motivation.

I have to do this.

Success isn't that important to me.

But for others winning is everything.

I must make the design of this nothing short of brilliant.

Radio-reactive

Dear Vito,

Well, to start with,i think i've lost my cool, suddenly i'm reacting to things in a negative way. I shouted at my mom. I reacted to an email negatively. Somehow I can see this trait from my family and some of my friends. I need to break the cycle.

I hope and pray that you'll grow up to be a cool kid.

Under Construction

Dear Santa,

The house is under renovation, I'm under recovery from a surgery. Too much things happening all at the same time, and I'm channeling the chaos it is reflected in my life. Work, relationships and goals. I wish that I come out of this metamorphosis invincible like gold. Invincible from all the emotional roller coaster.

Dear Santa, Will you please give me a DSLR camera to shift my focus? the Canon 550D looks great.

P.S.

I need a hard hat too, life throws hard things at me nowadays.

Loser

We lost a bid for an account. The overlying idea was mine, or mostly mine, although the circumstances that brought about me having to think of a not so fresh idea wasn't my fault. My company's habit to do most things at the last minute is taking its toll. Still, if I had a brilliant idea, it would have saved the day. But I didn't, so naturally, the pharma company awarded the digital component of their offline campaign to some other digital agency. It doesn't feel good to lose... somehow there is an obsession to be on the other side of things.

Ideas are too powerful, they cost millions of pesos some times. Bummer I worked the whole day today even if its a sat, and I have to work the whole day tomorrow. sheesh when will it end?

The Poor

I was in bathroom taking a bath, when thoughts about life consumed me. I thought about how lucky i am, still, despite everything, then i thought about the poor people who live in the streets, and how better their lives could be,

we only get one life, one cycle maybe, or maybe not, if theres a next cycle and my conscious mind would awake in a different body... i mean if i were in their shoes, i can't really imagine, i guess whet i'm really trying to get at is that, our society somehow limits them, and i guess i'd like to really work to give them a better life.

Maybe this could be a career path i want to explore...

Alas Otso

Nag
ba
bak
bak

Ang aking kasiyahan,

At naBUBUO lamang
Tuwing ang aking
Kasintahan
Ay
Dumadalaw
Sa aming
(Tahan)nan
Tuwing
A
L
A
S
O
T
S
O

Ng mmm-aga.

Dreams

I woke up feeling, somehow my dreams were taken away, I feel devoid of a sense of a direction, maybe it's just the medicine i've been taking lately, i've been taking too many lately. Just to name a few, Decolgen, Xyzal, prednisone.I have to douch Phisomer saline solution. and that's just tip of the iceberg, i've taken, claritin, claricort?, spray Azep, potassium citrate, more prednisone... Maybe i'd try to remember all meds in a different blog, I feel that my dreams, have slipped away. I have no motivation. despite for wanting a few material things and the desire to win a palanca award. I feel that I'm not really where i'm supposed to be, but i don't even know where i'm really supposed to. It isn't that i'm unhappy or anything, infact, despite the lack of motivation and the chaotic house renovation i'm really really grateful.

I pray, that I find myself. Soon I hope.

Momah

(an old post from garnetskies.blogspot(nostalgic fever))

Are you certain you love someone? How about your parents or your siblings? do you really love them?

These are the questions floating in my head, am i actually loved? (maybe my family is different than yours maybe you are luckier)

Have you given it much thought? I think that in life, there comes a point where you realize that you do love them, and if not maybe its time to try. Because I believe that its pointless to live a life without love. :)

She's living her life now, after enduring so much trouble, pain and regret.

After losing many of her years to motherhood, she's just starting to find herself.

After working for so long and hard in an insurance company.

After keeping together a family...

To look at her now just lifts me up. I feel proud for my mom for being able to be finally happy and for being able to live her life how she wants it.

I love my mom.

Ode to a bedroom fly

Oh black fly buzzing, landing on my face
(Your'e a bit too fast
for my hand to catch.)
why don't you just get the hell of
my fucking space!


Check mate! the black queen shouts,
She gives me no escape.
I am trapped in my room.
I yield to the power of the black fly
I concede.

Out of Place

I feel that i need to get out of the many places I am in now. Let's start at home, our house is under renovation, it's dusty, noisy, and chaotic, I wish I had my own secret hideaway. Maybe I just have to wait for the construction to finish or find a place of my own. but its not so easy, i just came from a nasal surgery because of an allergy case gone haywire, so if i stay, id have to deal with having a clogged nose for a prolonged period of time, again. Well i cant really find a place of my own. because well simple put, I can't afford it.

At work, i'm pretty sure no one from the office reads my blog, but heck yeah, i feel the pressure of work getting to me, i shall not elaborate,but basically its a roller coaster ride everyday, basically its about winning and losing... i should really focus on getting things done faster, maybe i really need a rest from the emotionality of it all, it really just drains me.

From myself, slowly i'm getting better i think. in terms of health, etc. but again there are just emotions that won't completely drown. emotions for certain people that keep resurfacing, and i'm exhauseted. emotionally this time. I feel that i am lost to many of these problems.

It seems easy enough to just walk away from it all, if only i had the gust, i would pack my bags and go to a place where i can find myself,

Some thoughts

I just thought that what if the entire human race left earth for maybe 1 hour. I think that would let the earth breathe. Give it the hour that it deserves. This would be a nice plot for a movie I guess. Also a story told from a lover's point of view, 30 years after meeting his girlfriend. I think that's also a good plot.

Maybe I just watched too much sci-fi movies like the chronicles of riddick. It was really entertaining.

No sense of success

I was reading the Adobo magazine earlier today. There was an article about a Great Speaker in the Advertising Congress. He talked about ways on how we can achieve success in life.

I think I've become jaded, exhausted about life a little too soon, I am but in my quarter life, and if I had read the article a few years back, whatever he had said would have made me emotional and interested to find out what path could lead me to success, and I would heed whatever advice that he gave, like how I the smell of ripe pineapples interests me. instead I realized something,

I realized that recently success doesn't interest me anymore, I have lost a sense, a definition of success. and I think it is one of the saddest things that could happen to anyone.

Old article published in manila bulletin last Dec 23, 2006

The lanterns that almost never were

It was a fine Friday morning last week when students and faculty of the UP College of Fine Arts (CFA) gathered at the school auditorium to hear from college secretary Prof. Totet De Jesus. They were told about the possible fate of this year's Lantern Parade, a tradition since 1922 that is more of UP's way to celebrate the holiday season.

Though the students were still spent and exhausted from staying up late the night before to work on the floats for the annual celebration, they waited anxiously for the news. Soon, De Jesus confirmed their worst fears.

"The UP parade has been canceled because of 'security concerns,'" he announced.

De Jesus explained that the CFA would still be able to have a smaller parade on its own secluded college grounds, but not across the university as usual. He added that they could no longer re-schedule it since it was already the last day of classes.

So that the floats that the students worked so hard on for weeks and all their efforts would not go to waste, the CFA administration thought it best to the college's own program and for the floats to parade on the college grounds.

Not much questions were raised. Perhaps the students were too stunned by the news. A University Student Council representative, Pog Bartolome stood up and urged the audience to push through with the Lantern Parade.

"Students will not harm fellow students," he explained. The meeting was adjourned.

Yet somehow an option was left with the young artists of CFA. Confused, they nevertheless went back to finishing their floats.

There were conversations among some faculty members and students. Some opted to stay for fear of being used in the rally against the tuition fee increase. Other teachers allowed their students to go. The students were divided as well. Yet, all of them just wanted their art seen.

PRODIGAL FLOATS

New CFA Dean Florentina Colayco went around the college and explained to the busy students that whatever the students decide on, she will respect it. Until the last minute, the students struggled and deliberated. At a quarter to four o'clock, majority finally decided to march on.

The huge crowd hailed and beheld the majesty of the CFA floats and a few other colleges that pushed through, including the colleges of Architecture and Engineering.

Among the CFA floats attuned to this year's theme "Philippine Children's Games" were the crowd favorite Pukpok Palayok, the Palabunutan, and the Batang Lata. Nobody could trace the struggle that had earlier beset the students who by that time were already parading valiantly through the University grounds. By sunset, the floats glowed on cue, reminiscent of the old tradition centuries back when Pinoys carried lanterns to mark the start of the simbang gabi.

Tired but satisfied, the Fine Arts students were welcomed back home into their college grounds and as part of the CFA program, the admin and faculty hailed and presented the prodigal floats and as well as the ones that decided to stay.

Colayco thanked the students for pushing through and the students thanked her as well for respecting their decision. Students also shouted out their apprecitation for the teachers who escorted them – Prof. Mel Silvestre who lead the freshment together with their amazing individual floats; Mang Dong who marshalled the students; and their former dean Virginia Dandan for marching together with the students all the way through.

In the end it was not about politics, not about protests; it was all about the artists and the creations they needed to show the crowd that awaited the festive lantern parade tradition. A student was asked what he thought and he said he remembered one professor saying last year "it is in the Lantern Parade where you will see people appreciate the beauty of your art." That was what they wanted, and that was exactly what happened.

Pain

Ouch.

Silence.

Frown.

Silent.

xnt8ejdzpc

The modern strings of life

The modern strings of life part 1

At present

imagine the man who spins his web
then imagine 7 billion weaving

Pick one man

look at the lines that hold him in place
sticky strings shoot out from his desire

not knowing

lines of luxury and dissociation
there are lines of friendship tested by the lines
of crisis
and unfamiliar lines that bind him nonetheless

conflicting

strings pull his hands and feet
until those parts bleed

webbed

strings pull on so hard that we find him dead
decapitated by his own desires

complex

woven strings
that fail him time and time and time again.